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what will he think?
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  1. #1
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    what will he think?

    I am Canadian and REALLY like a Thai man here in Thailand. I am pretty sure he likes me too but for months now we have just been hanging out as friends and work colleagues. I want to be more aggressive in terms of flirting with him and asking him out ie, making the first move. Alhtough this is very scary for me and out of character, I am so tired and frustrated of waiting for him and of not knowing for sure that he is interested. So, my question is, in Thai culture is it a turn off or unacceptable for a woman to make the first move? Would a Thai man appreciate it if I was to ask him out on a date or to make a move when we are out or we he find that a turn off? Do Thai men usually take things this slowly or should I assume that he just wants to be friends?

  2. #2
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    Unfortunately, from watching Western movies many Thais have gained the impression that farang woman are very promiscuous. In the movies, they see farang women being assertive and going back to a man's room for s## without even knowing him for longer than the span of a brief chat and a few drinks. If you want to dispel this myth and gain his respect, you should adopt the ways of a Thai lady. That is to say, be coy. Perhaps others can give you tips on specific behaviors, but the main idea is to send mixed signals; one moment expressing some interest with the eyes, and at another moment showing disinterest bordering on disdain. The most important thing is to make sure he makes the first move, otherwise you might as well just pin a scarlet letter to your shirt. IMHO
    Life is learning. If you stop learning, you might as well be dead.

  3. #3
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    I dont like playing head games. I dont believe it to be honest behaviour and it feels wrong to me. I like to be open and honest. I hear what you say though and I can hold back and let him make the first move, I just may get tired of waiting though and then may decide to give up on him altogether. I didnt realize that is the way Thai girls behave, that helps me a lot in trying to understand the big picture, thanks.

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    I am an American male, so you may not be interested in my advise, but you may find it helpful.
    I believe that there is a universal language that women use, to let men know that the woman wants to be more than friends. You do not have to be so obvious as to ask him out on a date. You can use words like "I enjoy being with you, can we spend more of our free time together". Or a smile or twinkle in the eye, at the right moment, can be very effective. Holding hands is a very effective way of make some of that "ICE" melt, and get things moving in the right direction. I agree that you do not want to come across as aggressive, but there are many ways that a woman has to let a man know that she want to be more than friends. The spark can come from the woman, but it is up to the man to fan the coals, and get a fire going.

  5. #5
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    OK, after a long conversation with my wife and daughter.

    Quote Originally Posted by Krystyl
    I dont like playing head games. I dont believe it to be honest behaviour and it feels wrong to me. I like to be open and honest. I hear what you say though and I can hold back and let him make the first move, I just may get tired of waiting though and then may decide to give up on him altogether. I didnt realize that is the way Thai girls behave, that helps me a lot in trying to understand the big picture, thanks.
    Thai are as advanced as anyone else, they tend to think quite the same as anyone else as they are also human and have human emotions, culture be damned.
    Both my wife [who is a 45 year old school teacher] and my 16 year old daughter say to make a move on him, he is prolly afraid to really make a move on you, what with you being Farang and he is no more open to rejection than anyone else.
    The old ways are not holding true to the way that modern Thai do things anymore. Anyone that thinks they are is smoking the wrong kind of cigs.

    Thai men are not that much different than farang men in their thinking either, While some men will think it quite foreward of a woman to make a move on him, others will feel quite flattered and become more receptive, My wife never held with the old ways when we met or at any time in our 5 year union has she fell back into the old Thai ways of 100 years ago, the new woman has equal rights in everything now, so why should she act like these were the days of Rama V when everything has moved ahead.

    When you snooze,,,You lose. Or maybe he really does not dig you that much anyway, so should be time to find out..

    This post made with full agreement with 2 Thai women..

  6. #6
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    I cannot think on behalf of thai men, but I have one point. There is a chance that dealing with you the Thai person does not expect the typical ways as he would have dealt with a Thai girl in a Thai environment. So, I imagine there is a possibility you will get a discount!

    Of course, some special behaviours may have to be maintained while with his friends and family.

    Just my imagination.
    Never hit someone below the belt; for you are not the creator.

  7. #7
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    Respect for another person is universal, Just show him the respect that you would anyone else, thats the only thing you really need to worry about.
    I do know that my wife and daughter do get an attitude when ever someone thinks that Thai are still living in an ancient age and are not up to speed with the modern world, we have cable/sat TV, everyone in my household has their own computers and do use them to advantage and in schools they are taught the modern world and innovations that are available and do not like it when someone accuses them or thinks that we here still live in a poor country in the last century.
    The old ways are for the old people out in the country that refuse to move into the present, but you will find that most young [under 50] Thai do think somewhat modern, and tho they might still think about the old traditions, do not live by them hard and fast.
    The younger Thai that scream "Customs, Traditions" have found a way that they like and is to their own advantage and in that they do not want to change as it would put their life style in a kink, other than that they too like the way things go in a modern society, Some farang that come here still look for the old ways as then they can brag at home how they went to a backwards country living in the last century, "How quaint it was" you should have seen it, "still plowing with a buffalo, and the women still walking 5 paces behind the men." "And the women do all the work"...

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by FaranginPhetch
    The old ways are for the old people out in the country that refuse to move into the present, but you will find that most young [under 50] Thai do think somewhat modern, and tho they might still think about the old traditions, do not live by them hard and fast.
    Exactly my wifes' opinion who is a Bangkok woman born and bred!

  9. #9
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    Kind of like someone the other day was asking about Jong Kra Ben and how it was worn, I aske my wife and she said "yes I know about it" and explained to me about how it was worn "But no one except old people wear em anymore, I have never worn one"
    But you will prolly see pix of people in them in the guide books and about living the old ways with the old customs and traditions,,thats what bring the tourists to a country, You will never see it yourself tho,, but if you look in business mags and articles, you will never see any of that and only how far advanced a place is,Maybe some pix of cube farms, just where ever they are trying to get the money to come in from.

  10. #10
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    Personally I don't like woman who play games, like smiling and hinting, that is a big turn off for me., If they like me and they hint, I will not ask them out, If they ask me out, I have to say at least there got the gumption to do so and so long as they do it in a plight none arrogant manner, and are physically compatible, I will go out with them.
    If you appear humble in your approach, you will not turn the Thai man off and he would most lily be flattered, but if you wait you may never get what you want in life, he may never ask.
    If a woman asks a man out on a date, she is definitely in for a better chance, than just flirting.
    The next point is, it saves wasting time.
    There's at least 50% chance he will say yes, and if he say's no, you still gain time, that is not wasted, and the experience of going for what you want.
    People who sit back and let the world go by, rarely end up with what they want.
    I say go for it girl, you've got nothing to lose.
    Just tell this man, in there words.,
    "I never asked a man out before, and that I'm kinda shy, but would you be offended if I asked you out on a date"
    The man would be so humbled by your humility, he would have to say, no I'm not offended.
    Then when he say's yes, just say, "would you be interested in going ice skating or is there something else you prefer" or what ever, you think he may be interested in, I personally never ask a woman out to traditional places like dinner or movie's as if you do some thing different than the norm, it is more memorable. Ice skating is a classic good date, as it gives you an opportunity to talk, laugh, hold hands and a chance for one of you's to help the other one up when they fall over on the ice, and if every thing goes well on the ring, you can get some thing to eat latter. Ice skating is just an example, but I'm shore you can think of some thing just a little more imaginative than a plain old dinner or movie.
    I also think it best to go dutch on a first date, no matter who asks who, and even if the other person insists on paying, I would insist on going dutch, as this is just a first date, not a full on relationship.

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