We broke up and I'm pregnant

[A_Hmong_Hunnie]

My story is kind of long but here it goes...

I am new to this forum and have been looking for some advice and comfort online. I'm glad I found this place because maybe some of you people can help shed some light into my situation.

I met a Thai man online earlier this year and we had a long distance relationship for about 2 1/2 months. We immediately hit it off and talked every night and every day for many hours. We even sent pictures through email, picture phone, standard mail, and gifts to each other. We are both in the United States. We both fell in love pretty fast and hard. By the first month of talking, he had already confessed that he loves me and is planning on when I can relocate down to be closer to him. We shared many of our dreams and goals and were looking forward to this relationship. The only thing is he lives in Texas and I live in California. I'm not Thai either, my nationality is Hmong.

I'm a 27 year old pre-school teacher and he's a 30 year old car salesman for Mazda. I've never been married before but he has and he has two daughters from his first marriage. I didn't mind that.

He finally bought me a plane ticket and I went down to Texas early last month in April to go be with him. I was very excited and nervous at the same time; I am finally going to get to meet my long-distance boyfriend.

I was there for 5 days. We had fun, I enjoyed being with him. I got to meet his two girls also.

But when I returned home, he started distancing himself. I would call just to say hi and how his day is going, but he would say he's stressed out and very busy with work. He said he'll call back but he doesn't. He is a workaholic, and stays long hours at the car lot and works 10-12 hour shifts. But his calls became less and less, and no more text messages either. I figured he needed his space so I backed off. I was sad too. I felt it in my gut that maybe this was his way of letting me know, he's lost interest.

So finally 2 weeks later at the end of April, he sends me this cold email, telling me that he doesn't see us working out in the future and for me to have a nice life and don't bother calling him anymore. I was like? I was unprepared for this. It crushed me. I called him instantly after reading the email but he doesn't pick up. So I text him. A few minutes later he does text back and tells me that our personality doesn't match and I'm not his ideal mate in the long run and for me just to not call him anymore. I call him again but he doesn't pick up. I didn't even get to talk to him. Finally I just gave up and went and cried.

We broke up on April 20th.

I was due on my period sometime around April 25th. But it didn't come, I thought I could just be late.

I haven't talked to him, called him, emailed, text him in almost a month. I finally let it hit me that this is it. I met a man online, fell in love with him, he flew me to go see him, and when he got what he wanted, he's finished with me. I having been trying so hard this month to move on.

But it's been almost 4 weeks now and I still haven't started my period this month. So over the weekend on Sunday, I went and bought two home pregnancy tests. I tested them both and they both came back POSITIVE!

How could I be so stupid? I'm 27 and he's 30, we both took sex education back in high school, but we still didn't care to use protection. I feel like such a irresponsible bimbo.

I know I have to tell him but just don't know how and when. How will he take it? I know he's going to be very upset. What if he ignores me and denies it? Will he be a man and step up and take responsibility? He already has two little girls and he's paying child support for them already, if he learns of this one too, and I'm thousands of miles away, he is just going to flip out.

I'm stressed too. I don't want to get an abortion. I could never live with that guilt for the rest of my life, or if I gave my baby away. I am 27 years old and I am old enough and capable of being a mother. I will have to face my parents too and tell them eventually.

He deserves the right to know about this, whether he wants it or not.

Guys how would you handle it if your ex-gf told you she was pregnant?

Help me!

[jojosung]

well for start.. never trust a car saleman regardless of he's being thai or not....

all joking aside...

I say you gotta tell him ASAP, he has the right to know. The sooner you tell him, the less doubt he has.

I don't think it's matter if you call or sms him, just let him know.

you can just txt him something like

OMG, I A PRGNT

Also, if he doesn't step up the plate, well you do have other options..

PS - I don't think it's matter that you are Hmong, and he's Thai

[Petruccis_Son]

That is such a sad story, i'm so sorry to hear that :(

But yes you must tell him if you plan to keep it. I believe it is a legal obligation for him to pay child support for you too if he wants to have nothing to do with you anymore regardless? at least it is in England so i'm guessing the USA has similar laws, anyone care to shed any light on this?

[badfish]

Yes, the legal system here requires him to pay child support.

You need to tell him. Sounds like you already know you will keep the child and you need to make sure you fully understand the implications. Dad will be far away, being a mom is a full-time job, visitation, etc. You will get to have custody unless you screw up big time or he knows some very powerful people.

Whatever you do, don't ever use the child or having the child as a bargaining chip for anything. Him having 2 kids to pay support on already, if he is forced to pay on another one there is no telling what he will do because it could break him financially. He might leave the country, come back, try to hurt you, or what.

I see single moms doing a terrible job of parenting because they just aren't ready to be moms. I've seen girls try to use having the baby to bring the father back and have it backfire on them. Then baby is left to grow up with the grandparents and it's just disturbing how irresponsible these people are.

Expect to see a lot of court time if you establish child support. Expect to be a full time mom with just about no time to work or go out. Those are the two things you can be sure of right now.

As for the relationship and time you spent with him and what happened afterward, I think it's a something a lot of people go through. Get hooked up with someone you think you like and the compatibility isn't there or there's something you don't like about them and you just have to get out.

[A_Hmong_Hunnie]

I hate myself! I am so stupid!

This baby will never be to blame for our dumb mistake!!

When my parents find out they will forbid me to abort it and put it up for adoption. I can't see myself aborting it or giving it up for adoption either :(

I know he's already paying for his two daughters already. I hope he isn't going to be a dick about this and ignore it. If he does, then I know what kind of man he truly is.

I'm not asking him to help out, since we are thousands of miles apart anyway, I just want him to acknowledge and accept the fact that he flew a lady down, didn't like her anymore, dumped her when she went back home, and weeks later, she's pregnant and going to have his kid later.

Guys if you were in my ex's shoes, how would you take any news like this?

[badfish]

Guys if you were in my ex's shoes, how would you take any news like this?

I'd take it like a man, roll with the punches, and build the best relationship I could with my child. Children should never be left behind. But at all costs I would not get back together with someone I know I am incompatible with. It would be in the best interests of the child to have the parents getting along instead of fighting.

There might be some doubt on his part that the child is his, but that's what paternity tests are for.

[A_Hmong_Hunnie]

badfish, I'm not a promiscuous person. He was the last person I slept with, and I'll only sleep with someone if I care about him.

Did you know that before I got myself into this whirlwind relationship with him, I didn't date at all for almost 2 years? My last relationship ended in September 2005 and I didn't even date or was sexually active in 2006. I just stuck to my priorities and kept myself busy with work.

He's such a fool himself too. Already telling me he loves me, can't wait till I move closer to be with him. Before we met, he even sent pictures of him when he was a child and when he was still in Thailand. I just thought they were so sweet of him back then, and now this? He cuts me off cold turkey and hurts my feelings by telling me by not calling him anymore?


Deep down I still have feelings for him =(

[vintagesailor]

Putting myself in his shoes I would not abandone a child of my own but unfortunatly we know from what you have told us that he has already distanced himself from his two children. Bringing a third child into his life in my opinion seems unlikely so you will most be likely be forced to make him pay for child support and raising the child yourself.

[Marie]

He's such a fool himself too... Already telling me he loves me, can't wait till I move closer to be with him. Before we met, he even sent pictures of him when he was a child and when he was still in Thailand. I just thought they were so sweet of him back then, and now this? He cuts me off cold turkey and hurts my feelings by telling me by not calling him anymore?

Deep down I still have feelings for him =(

It is really heartbreaking when the other party grows cold and cares less than we do. He may or may not be sincere when he said and did those sweet things. But that does not matter now. What matters most now is you face your problem and then you adjust to the fact that he is not what you imagined and hoped him to be. And the quicker you do that, the better for you.

[McKinley]

Guys if you were in my ex's shoes, how would you take any news like this?

Get rid of it.