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the sweet and sour in relationship
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  1. #1
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    the sweet and sour in relationship

    i have a gf which break and pact a lot of time...until now we been 5 years... during this 5 years we go through a lot of things which i nv go through before. until i lost my way. after a lot of go through , break n pact , what will going on the next ?? feeling confusing ,,, can someone give me some advice ? thank...

  2. #2
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    Re: the sweet and sour in relationship

    I think you're gonna have to rephrase that... I have no idea what you are asking...

  3. #3
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    Re: the sweet and sour in relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Phiebs View Post
    I think you're gonna have to rephrase that... I have no idea what you are asking...
    I think he is saying he has had a stormy relationship with his girlfriend for 5 years-they keep breaking up and getting back together again and he does not know why or what is going to happen next and wants some advice.

    If I have got this right, my guess is there has been another break up. If this is the case, you, -and your girlfriend- have got to decide if you want to go on like this or break up permanently. No one can advise you on that -its as they say "up to you".

  4. #4
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    Re: the sweet and sour in relationship

    Hi,

    You got to LIVE & LEARN!....everyday life is sweet an sour most times. MY ADVICE??!! if she (the situation ) brings you more pleasure than pain.....stick with it.....if not.....find another person or passtime thats more compatible to YOUR!! needs.

    All the best

    C

  5. #5
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    Re: the sweet and sour in relationship

    Darkangel,

    One possible reason that your relationship is on-and-off is that you might have issues that remain unresolved even after your reconciliations. Hence, same conflicts will keep on surfacing again and again. Sometimes there are irritants that are not addressed because the parties do not bring these forth in the open.

    Let me suggest a simplified activity that you can try to make these issues emerge for you and your gf to deal with. Both you and your gf should list down the following:

    A. What you want your partner to continue doing for you.

    B. What you want your partner to stop doing to you.

    C. What you wish your partner to start doing for you.

    The list should be exhaustive and SPECIFIC. For example, instead of saying in Part B, "Stop taking me for granted", you can instead say, "Stop coming late in our appointments. " Part B will yield a lot of clues on what possibly irritate a partner.

    Part C items are usually offshoots of those in Part B, or are aimed at addressing the concerns expressed in Part B. The same party might write, " I wish you come on time in our appointments, or if you cannot, at least you should inform me beforehand".

    Partners swap their lists and discuss them face-to-face throroughly. One important rule that should be observed is that the couple refrain from being offensive and defensive. Being so is counterproductive and can ruin the purpose of the exercise.

    Thus, it is ideal if this feedback activity is done under the guidance of a third party ( preferably a trained one) if only to make sure that the rule is strictly followed.

    The couple may not be able to discuss thoroughly the agenda in one sitting. It is desirable that both explain the underlying reasons why they want a certain practice stopped. For example, one might reveal, " When you make me wait for you during our appointments, I feel that you do not respect my time." This way, each party will gain a deeper understanding of each other.

    During the interaction, it is possible that both parties agree to alter their behaviour patterns or arrive at compromises. However, it is also not surprising that other issues will remain unresolved because of grave differences in values, sheer stubborness or other reasons.

    In the final analysis (and as previously mentioned), if pain persists to outweigh pleasure in a relationship, this is a sign that it is an unhealthy one. By all means march out of it!
    Last edited by Marie; 08-10-07 at 09:55 AM.

    Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or an idiot from any direction.

  6. #6
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    Re: the sweet and sour in relationship

    thank for ur advice...i know wat to do now...relationship is simple but we make it so difficult until we cant solve it...so we must see through it then we know wat to do the next...

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