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Thread: thai boyfriend/husband
03-08-09, 02:33 PM #41
03-08-09, 06:31 PM #42
17-09-09, 05:46 AM #43Forum Member
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Re: thai boyfriend/husband
"shower at least twice a day, keep hair-free, and dont get fat"...
I kind of enjoy winding my thai bf up by not showering, growing stubbly legs and being twice his weight... I also like to insist HE'S the one who's fat and should stop eating so much (he's about 8 stone hahahaha) .
Nice to see a thread like this finally!
I am moving back to thailand in October, \& this time for a full year hopefully. Looking forward to it so much now!
So what does raak sa suuk paap mean?
17-09-09, 08:48 AM #44Senior Member
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28-09-09, 05:23 AM #45
Re: thai boyfriend/husband
Betti, this is response coming much later than I intended. My wife had to go back to Thailand to close a deal on two rai of land in her Nong Soong village, so I was sort of adrift for the four weeks she was away.
It seems to me that a Western woman who marries an Asian man and relocates to his country to live with him will lose considerable personal sovereignty. Obviously I cannot truly know how she may actually feel in her husband's native environment, for I am not female; and I certainly do not profess to understand the workings of the female mind. But for a Western man to marry an Asian woman and relocate to her country, I do not see the same suggestion of diminishment. When any diminshment does happen, it seems generally to be as a result of the man losing whatever wealth he may have had; and/or if he is or becomes physically feeble as in advanced age or an serious infirmity. In these instances, the man becomes vulnerable on several fronts, and frankly may find himself at the mercy of his Asian wife.
A Western man in his financial and physical prime tends to be viewed and treated with considerable deference, I think. He is not in any sense limited by his union with an Asian woman. For the most part, he can freely come and go as he may wish, and can enjoy much popularity without any stigma.
But a Western woman has heavy restrictions in this context.
And is her Asian husband supporting her? Or does she have Western-based means (i.e., wealth) that makes her husband's financial input essentially inconsequential? I cannot even imagine a Western woman being fully supported in Asia by her Asian husband, although I suppose it may be happening (as a rarity, though, rather than a commonplace).
It is difficult for me to imagine a Western woman enjoying anywhere near the same social latitudes and interactions independant of her Asian husband that a Western man could enjoy without the inclusion of his Asian wife.
I am not attempting to stir up an argument by saying any of this -- as I hope I have made clear, I have no basis for these views. I have never spoken with a Western woman living in her Asian husband's homeland. Neither do I know what activities such a woman might enjoy doing that her husband mightn't care for -- could she have an active leisure and social life that might be separate from what her husband may have and enjoy?
I just find it doubtful.
I think a Western woman who has an Asian husband would be far happier and much more comfortable living with him in the West than she would find to be the case in living with him in Asia.
I marvel at any Western woman who, for the sake of love, marries and undertakes to be with her husband in his Asian homeland. So to me, it is a far more courageous act than for a Western man to take up residence in Asia with his Asian wife.
Now, switching the topic, and returning to my own wife's recent trip back to her village, she did that trip in the company of her two sons. These boys had come to Canada last September (2008), and finished a school term here.
I'm sure both boys had plenty to talk about with their various friends.
The older boy actually turned 15 the week before the return flight here to Canada, so he had a nice birthday celebration over there.
They arrived at the Vancouver International Airport on the evening of September 10, which was a Thursday. That was the week that the new school term had started, so it was apparent that both boys would be missing the entire school week.
But Friday morning, the older boy (Tho) suprised his mother and I. He told her that he wanted to go to school! I was nearly incredulous, and felt very pleased with him.
Jack dutifully drove him to school and got him registered, then left him to do his day.
Everything seemed to be going very well, and we had a nice weekend...until Sunday evening.
Tho had an emotional meltdown.
I sensed something was amiss that evening when Jack started discoursing fairly heatedly with him in Thai. They soon retreated into a room where they could be by themselves, and the argument escalated. Tho was now crying as he fought back with Jack.
I took all of this as my cue to go to bed. Since I get up at 3:30 a.m. for work, it's essential that I retire ahead of the others.
I expect that I fell asleep, but when Jack finally came to bed, she was sobbing uncontrollably. It took me a long, long time that night to calm her sufficiently that she could herself finally get to sleep.
Tho wanted to go back to Thailand to live -- he missed all of his friends -- and Jack didn't know what to do.
I guess she made it clear that we couldn't afford more air fares so soon after their very recent trip. She said to give it about six months.
That was two weeks ago. Although Tho has accepted that he must wait, he has not changed his mind. Jack is hoping that he'll get used to being here as the months pass, and that things will be as they were before.
She has called his inclusion in her trip back to Thailand a mistake.
Jack is looking into getting Tho's older cousin here on a Student Visa, hoping that this will also influence her son to be content about staying here.
What I suspect happened is that Tho went back home and found himself to be celebrated by his old friends, and he probably enjoyed a close immersion into his peer group that does not exist for him here. Maybe he even had some female attention -- something very unlikely to be happening for him in high school here in Canada.
He probably did not understand what he was missing by leaving Thailand to return to Canada until he put in his very first day of Grade X, a relatively small Asian boy dwarfed by most of the other students -- and hobbled by his limited and awkward English.
As far as Jack and I know, he has no friends here. His younger brother has several friends from his elementary school who come to the house to visit him, and he has even gone off with one or another of his friends to their homes. But Tho has never had contact with anyone outside of school. He just comes home and stays here. He won't even go for a walk on his own. He spends untold hours on the computer, playing video games and attending a few social sites like Hi5.com and Facebook where he can connect with friends back in Thailand.
I think if he does manage to adjust once more to being here in Canada, it would be imperative that Jack make no more trips back to their Thai home that would put him through this whole ordeal once more. She wants both boys to finish high school here, and to also become Canadian citizens.
Pote, the younger boy, has only begun Grade VII. Thus, we have six more years before we can move to Thailand to live. I suppose that Tho could go back himself and stay with his grandmother in three years time when he finishes Grade XII.
However, I firmly believe that if he goes back like he wants -- even if he finishes his Grade X -- he will probably go no further in school. His grandmother cannot supervise him, and he has friends over there who have already dropped out of school. My concern is that if Jack relents and lets him go back, he will basically be lost.
Even on this recent trip, he would disappear and be out late into the night with his friends.
And I certainly do not like the prospect of suppoting a loafing Thai teenager who had the good fortune to have his mother marry a Farang, and who would rather be with his friends than his own mother and only brother.
Jack is now home -- she had been out shopping with Pote. I am going to post this before her curiosity gets me in trouble for daring to reveal any of this.
28-09-09, 07:45 AM #46Paknam Web Online Staff
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