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Relationship Update from Chaang - Page 13
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  1. #121
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    Re: Relationship Update from Chaang

    Quote Originally Posted by chaang View Post

    You're probably right again.
    YES, your'e probably right again, BUT... ("Yes...But game". You can find this in Games People Play, by Dr. Eric Berne.} Frankly, this is the pattern I have been seeing here over and over. You have yet to consciously break away from this syndrome for you to see things in their true light. That is, if you're sincerely looking for answers to your problem, like you claim.

    Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or an idiot from any direction.

  2. #122
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    Re: Relationship Update from Chaang

    Have some one contact her and tell her you fell off a boat presumed drowned and they never found your body.

  3. #123
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    Re: Relationship Update from Chaang

    Lol
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  4. #124
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    Re: Relationship Update from Chaang

    Quote Originally Posted by chaang View Post
    Hi All,

    Well, no one told me to shut up so here I am again. The question has changed from "should I break up with her" to "how do I break up with her?".

    I just can't see going on with this relationship. Even if she were to change her ways, as she keeps promising me, we are just too different. I don't mean culturally but just in the things that we like and the kind of people we are.

    I tried to break it off with her again a week ago. It was just as ugly as before. She starts crying and saying she wishes she were dead. I don't think it's an act just because she doesn't want to lose the support. I told her I would keep on supporting her (I didn't specify for how long) and she still sounded miserable.

    I felt like s**t after that and worried that she might actually harm herself. I have seen her hit herself when she gets upset. In the following days I backed off a little and said I would have to think about the relationship some more. This was just to get her out of that state of mind.

    The problem is that she now thinks we are back together again. She keeps telling me how much she misses me, how happy she will make me, that she won't ask for any additional money, etc.

    My dilemma is how to break up with her without her going over the edge. I think I read elsewhere in these forums that Thais prefer a subtle breakup. A gradual drifting away.

    Any ideas?

    Chaang
    Hi Chaang,
    Well, at least now you know you want to break up with her ( am I right? ).
    Final answer is.... ( like one of TV shows in Thailand)..... breaking up never makes anyone happy. Just do it quick so no one will get hurt longer than this. Lingering just makes her think that she still has a chance.

    Breaking up makes people sad and miserable but they need to get over it. So make her cry one time is better than make her cry once a week. May be she cried so hard because she was thinking how can I find a next person soon enough, seriously.

    I doubt she will not kill herself. Sure she will threaten you by hurting herself a bit but not to the point of killing herself. (emotional blackmail) I am a Thai woman and know them well.

    I don't know where you are now. I am too lazy to read through the whole thing here. But if you are in Thailand, get away from there after you break up. It's good for both you and your girlfriend.

    She will find a new source for her financial support. She won't let herself die hungry. You should not support here financially unless you want to be her parents or spouse. She is not disabled physically (or she is and we don't know) so she can work for a living like anybody else.

    Lastly, if someone has to change him/herself to be able to live with significant other, that relationship won't last eventually.
    Last edited by syn; 11-02-09 at 04:13 AM. Reason: adding text

  5. #125
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    Re: Relationship Update from Chaang

    Quote Originally Posted by paul_au View Post
    Have some one contact her and tell her you fell off a boat presumed drowned and they never found your body.
    I think Chaang can go and tell her himself in loud and clear voice.

  6. #126
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    Re: Relationship Update from Chaang

    Quote Originally Posted by Marie View Post
    YES, your'e probably right again, BUT... ("Yes...But game". You can find this in Games People Play, by Dr. Eric Berne.} Frankly, this is the pattern I have been seeing here over and over. You have yet to consciously break away from this syndrome for you to see things in their true light. That is, if you're sincerely looking for answers to your problem, like you claim.
    I forgot to mention a book which is truly useful: " Emotional Balckmail", by Dr. Susan Forward.

    Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or an idiot from any direction.

  7. #127
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    Re: Relationship Update from Chaang

    Quote Originally Posted by Sved View Post
    Well I can only repeat what I said earlier.

    The ones really suffering from this is the kids, and it will be worse the longer it continues
    I appreciate your concern for the kids. They are one of the main reasons I hesitate.

    Quote Originally Posted by y2long View Post
    why break up when you dont have to? just get along with it and "supply" lesser $$ i believe would be fine. if she ask for any, just tell her you threw your money into some investment "for the sake of our future". sounds great??
    That is an option.

    Quote Originally Posted by Betti View Post
    Chaang - are you scared that this was your very last chance for a relationship? that there will be no more women for you ever?
    for my mindset, that would explain why you are holding on.
    Betti, I have no doubt that I could be in another relationship very quickly. Relationships are easy to get into, they are just hard to get out of. At least for me.

    I truly just do not want to hurt her. I guess I just have to face the reality that a breakup often involves hurt. It wasn't so difficult with my x wife. I was just fed up with her and there was no crying or pleading from her. We just went our separate ways. This time it's different.

    Quote Originally Posted by Susana View Post
    I think humans are survivors by nature, and most of us will have a 'Plan B' formulating in the back of our minds at the hint of threat to what we want or need. You may be surprised at how well she survives a break up.
    I hope you're right.

    Thanks for the link Surawat. Interesting lyrics.

    Chaang

  8. #128
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    Re: Relationship Update from Chaang

    Quote Originally Posted by chaang View Post
    I appreciate your concern for the kids. They are one of the main reasons I hesitate.
    The longer the worse.

    If you wait long enough they be in one of those couches in the talk shows.

    I think you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

    As a grown up it's your duty to act in their best interest.

  9. #129
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    Re: Relationship Update from Chaang

    Quote Originally Posted by syn View Post
    Hi Chaang,
    Well, at least now you know you want to break up with her ( am I right? ).
    Final answer is.... ( like one of TV shows in Thailand)..... breaking up never makes anyone happy. Just do it quick so no one will get hurt longer than this. Lingering just makes her think that she still has a chance.

    Breaking up makes people sad and miserable but they need to get over it. So make her cry one time is better than make her cry once a week. May be she cried so hard because she was thinking how can I find a next person soon enough, seriously.

    I doubt she will not kill herself. Sure she will threaten you by hurting herself a bit but not to the point of killing herself. (emotional blackmail) I am a Thai woman and know them well.

    I don't know where you are now. I am too lazy to read through the whole thing here. But if you are in Thailand, get away from there after you break up. It's good for both you and your girlfriend.

    She will find a new source for her financial support. She won't let herself die hungry. You should not support here financially unless you want to be her parents or spouse. She is not disabled physically (or she is and we don't know) so she can work for a living like anybody else.

    Lastly, if someone has to change him/herself to be able to live with significant other, that relationship won't last eventually.
    Thank you for this very thoughtful post. I appreciate your viewpoint. I hope you are right about her not killing herself.

    I'm not currently in Thailand. I'm back in the States, but I don't think it helps all that much.

    She does have a problem with her hand/arm right now. Maybe tendinitis. She has been complaining about pain since before any mention of a breakup, so I know it's not made up. That is why I offered to keep supporting her for a while, so she has a chance to heal.

    I think you are right about changing. I don't think either one of us would be happy in the long run if we have to change too much.

    Chaang

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    Re: Relationship Update from Chaang

    Quote Originally Posted by Sved View Post
    The longer the worse.

    If you wait long enough they be in one of those couches in the talk shows.

    I think you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

    As a grown up it's your duty to act in their best interest.
    Excuse me Sved but exactly why should I be ashamed of myself? Go ahead and tell me, what is in their best interest? Do you think that just walking out of their lives and not speaking to them again is best? Do you think that seeing their mother dead from suicide is best?

    I guess I could just go ahead and marry their mother, forget about my own happiness and dedicate my life to making them happy. Is that what I should do? Of course, they do have a father who should have done that in the first place.

    No, I'm not ashamed of myself because I do try to think of what is best for them. I may get confused about what that is but I am trying.

    Chaang

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