"SOP" of marriage/wedding in thailand

[InterestedGuy08]

There are several threads in this 'Thai Relationships' thread that discuss what people did for their weddings. You can also search 'wedding/marriage' in the Thai blogs section at the top of this website; there is one that gives details on what one person did for his wedding.

[khonrai]

HI

you can go to youtube and see video's of Issan weddings.

[tomboR]

The whole process was identical for us three.

Us three??

You, your partner and ????????

I'm sorry, but I don't know to whom you are referring.

[David_Loves_Ubonwan]

Us three??

You, your partner and ????????

I'm sorry, but I don't know to whom you are referring.

See post #15, he refers to his and both of his brothers-in-law weddings.

David

[tomboR]

Thanks David.

Sorry bassai, somehow I missed that.

(too many beers last night)

[Susana]

Mai pen rai, TomboR.
You gave me my morning chuckle. Thanks.

[paul_au]

I have an understanding that a large minority of Thai's which is commonly becoming the trend, specially in the younger generation who consider them selves married when filling out a census form, even though they have never registered this marriage with the government or had a traditional Thai ceremony, they in fact just lived together as partners some times after having an informal party for friends and relatives, in the west they would be considered de facto, but in Thailand they consider them selves married. I'm not saying this is the majority, but it is a trend that has been gaining a lot of strength in the last few decades, so for this reason I say tradition is changing and the more modern Thai's have rejected many religious rituals and sin sod,
The next comment I would like to make is the Sin Sod if paid is traditionally returned to the couple commonly in the form of land or a house, but since a farang can not legally own land in Thailand this would be unfair expecting him to pay and get nothing in return. The problem is when a farang is involved, Thai's don't stick with tradition as it seems Thai's rarely give the sin sod back even when they say they will, even though in most cases the farang has also paid for the wedding as well. I know there are some farangs who will come on and say they got there sin sod returned or the house was put in the Thai partners name, never to be owned by the farang if they separate.

[fleagle]

I have only ever been to 1 traditional Thai wedding involving a farang and a Thai...mine.So i will tell you what happened in my case,but as to whether this is the norm then it may need 1 or 2 of our Thai members to confirm.-

In the morning we had the ceremony involving the monks.I was seperated from my now wife,and was taken about 5 minutes drive from where the ceremony would be held.And yes i was wearing a traditional Thai suit.Here there was about a dozen or so guests who were all going to be witnessing the ceremony,and about 10 gifts laid out on a table,ranging from the dowry,food,plants,flowers etc etc.The gifts were to be given by myself to my brides Mum later during the ceremony.

A lone monk appeared at this place,and outside on the street i had to give him some food and water.Then i got down on my knees in a praying position,and he gave me his blessing.I have seen people blessed by monks before,but in my case it all seemed to be a lot louder than normal.He was shouting the words at the top of his voice and banging a drum at the same time.This went on for about 1 minute,then he was off walking down the road still chanting and banging his drum.(Which i am sure pleased the locals as it was only about 6:30am at the time.:-) ) -

After this we all drove to the where the ceremony would be held.I had to then get out of the car and walk the last 40-50 yards or so.Every few yards or so i would get 2 people run in front of me and block my way by holding and pulling some string/rope in front of me.My brides brother,who was acting as my best man on the day,would then pass 2 envelopes to me which i had to give to the 2 people.Each envelope contained 100 baht i believe? Upon taking the envelopes they would let me pass.This happened about 8 or 9 times before i reached the ceremony hall.

Inside i gave all the gifts to my brides Mum in front of everybody.5 monks then turned up,including my drummer friend from earlier.This part of the ceremony probably lasted about 1 1/2 hours and for most of that time the 2 of us were sitting infront of the monks(who were on a raised platform)with our heads slightly bowed and in a praying position.There was a lot of chanting/singing during this time,but no drumming.At 1 time for about 15 minutes a long piece of string was placed along all 5 monks,and tied around mine and my brides head.So basically we were all joined.The string remained slack the whole time,but actually a very strange thing happened towards the end of this.I felt 5 or 6 very sharp tugs on the string to the left hand side of my head,that was joining my head and my brides.As i already said the string was in a very slack position all around the 7 of us,so i thought someone must have come behind me and pulled it.But when i turned round to look,no-one was there and the string to my left was in a very relaxed/slack position......very odd?? I told my wife later,and she firmly believes it was a spirit.:-) -

Towards the end with the monks i had to pick up a large spoon.My wife did not touch the spoon but had her hand on top of mine.We then had to place 3 spoonfulls of rice in 5 bowls together with some other bags of foods and some water.On my knees at this point i then had to give the 5 bowls to each monk individually.Lastly with the monks there was a bit more chanting and praying and then we had lots of water and flower petals thrown over us by the monks,again while in a praying position.With the monks now departed we now had to go and sit on 2 throne like seats,and place our arms out in front of us across a platform.Again similar to a pray like position,and beneath our hands on the floor were flowers.A kind of rope hat was placed on our heads that was also joined together,and we had various flower decorations draped over our shoulders.All the guests now formed a que to pour water over our hands,which then fell onto the flowers,and so to give us both their blessings.

Finally outside the building myself,my bride and her Mum had to pray to the "spirit of the building" where the ceremony had just taken place.To basically thank the spirit for the ceremony that had just taken place.(i guess the 1 who had been tugging on my string!:-) ) -

Most Thai wedding partys would normally be in the evening,but in my case it was an afternoon affair.This was due to the fact that it was held in Sungai Kolok down in the south,and no-one basically wants to go outdoors after dark for safety reasons.We have both now changed clothes.The morning ceremony was traditional Thai clothes,the afternoon party western style dress.ie:western wedding suit for me and wedding dress for my bride.To be honest this part of the day was very similar to what you would see in the West at an evening wedding party after the wedding itself.Ours was in a function room at a hotel.We would greet all our guests as they arrived outside the function room with a "wai."Outside the room the guests would all then sign a wedding book and leave their gift.I have been told that Thais never give a gift in the same way as we would in the west at a wedding.Their "gift" is always cash in an envelope and not an "item" as such.I must admit it did bring a smile to my face when i heard this news.:-) -

After everyone had arrived we then entered the room,where everyone was already watching the morning events on giant screens that were scattered around this function room.During the meal we then had to take to the stage where there was a giant photo of the 2 of us as the backdrop.(10 x 5 metres)-Again similar to what you would see in the west........me and my Mum in law making our seperate speeches.(her Dad would normally have done this,but he died a few yeras ago)-

A question and answer session.Luckily we were told what the questions were beforehand,so we had our answers all ready.Then finally upon leaving the stage we had to light 3 candles and pray infront of them.We then spent the next hour or so going round personally to greet all our guests,have our photos taken with them all,and give them all a small gift.(250 of them at about 50 baht if my memory serves me right?) -

Finally at the end we both went and stood outside the function hall,and bid farewell to our guests as they left. - Well thats pretty much it now.As i said earlier the afternoon party was very similar to what you would see in the west.But the morning ceremony was certainly very different to anything i have ever experienced or witnessed,and i know the memories will be with me always.Hope you haven't "lost the will to live" after reading this long reply.:-) -

Just hope there were some things in it that have helped your understanding a bit more.As i mentioned,earlier as to whether my experience is the "norm" as far as Thai weddings go,then i am not sure? Hopefully some Thai members of the forum can confirm or not,and help you some more.

[y2long]

Hi Fleagle! Thanks for the wonderful post! that really gave me some idea of Thai wedding ceremony, the morning ceremony. I was wondering were you being told of what's gonna happen beforehand? I'd wish to witness a Thai wedding and perhaps get a better picture.

Thanks for the post! Have been waiting for posts like the one you posted for quite some time!

[fleagle]

Duay khwaam yin dee (You are welcome!)-Actually i was told a little of what would happen,but certainly not all.Of the 30 odd people who witnessed the morning ceremony,unfortunately only my wife spoke any English.So up until the point when i entered the ceremony hall and saw her again,well lets just say it was interesting at times.........lots of hand signals/gestures,and trying to read peoples minds.:-) - Once along side her she either told me what i needed to do,or i just followed her lead and did whatever she did.