relationship problem (or lack thereof?)

[johnks]

Anyway, just to jump back in and clarify some things about myself: whatever the cause of my romance problems (if they can qualify as such), I don't think it is because of my looks (people say I'm not Richard Gere, but I'm not the Elephant Man, either), I have a steady, stable job, a reasonably nice if modest house, a new car, and most people tell me that I'm a friendly person.
As far as age differences, I'm 34, most women who I am romantically interested in (1 way, of course) are in the 27-35 years old age range, yet mysteriously "aren't ready for a serious relationship yet" (until a week or month or year later when I meet them with their new boyfriend or husband, change of heart I guess...)
As far as being introduced by friends (esp. male friends, relatives, etc) been there, done that, every day about 10 times a day "I want to introduce you to my sister/cousin/niece", sure, uncle or brother or cousin like me, but doesn't go any further than that.
Friendship leads to romance? So I've heard, but never experienced it personally. Last friday met a female friend, 32 years old, single, known her for 3+ years already. We went out for a bite (chaperoned by her brother, who was kind enough to sit between us for the duration), asked how she was, says "not ready for a relationship yet", but says that our relationship should proceed "step-by-step", that she'll be ready in some unspecified future, and I should wait for her if I'm serious.
Should I just give up?

[johnks]

I'll take the silence as a "just give up", after all it must sound rather hopeless.
Anyway, I've never viewed a romantic relationship with a woman (any woman, regardless of nationality or any other characteristics) as a right or entitlement, but as an honor and privilege. So, if I am not worthy, I must accept my status. I'm not particular about where a romantic interest is from, I just happen to be here, and someone from here (or wherever you are at a particular time in your life) would seem like the obvious choice. After all, I'm nearly 35, I would like to experience a romantic relationship at least once in my life, lest in 5 years time I become the real-life "40 year-old virgin"! Thanks again for all the responses and best to all, I should have known that there is no answer.

[ThuggieDuckie]

There are. One of them is "you reminded me about the movie i'd wanted to watch--a 40 year-old virgin"!!

There is nothing wrong with your look but i believe women have different opinions about it, both negative and positive ones. Seems like you are in a hurry having a serious commitment. 35 isn't too old to be fishing around for the right fish, though.

In my opinion, something is there and I think you should deal with it first, before thinking about getting on your knees approaching someone. Can't exactly tell what is wrong since we don't know you. One thing I can feel is that "you are not a good listener" lol Patience is very important. Barely a woman chooses a guy who thinks about giving up that easily.

[Marie]

Anyway, just to jump back in and clarify some things about myself: whatever the cause of my romance problems (if they can qualify as such), I don't think it is because of my looks (people say I'm not Richard Gere, but I'm not the Elephant Man, either)...

I have been reading about your 'looks' issues. But I'd want to see your photos first before I make any comment. Will you please post some here?

[johnks]

Really, what have you read about me? Where? You must have me confused with somebody else's posts.

[khonrai]

HI

johnks maybe you are just a young version of paul au" just Kidding "

sounds like you are trying too hard. women can sense when you are desperate
and it scares them. also by your length of writing no paragrahs and long winded
it might be off putting if you speak the same way.
and from your response's today to other post you seem angry and have a chip on your shoulder

there is a catch 22 in dateing if you have a friend whoi is a girl, women seem to be more comfortable and feel safe around you I am not talking romantic but just friends.

I had a friend in my 30's and 40's sounds just like you he was much better looking than me but couildn't get a date to save his life
he was just too intense. when he would talk he would get right in your face and his eyes looked they wanted to kill you. but he was the nicest guy once you got past his intensity.

good luck maybe take it down a notch and quit worrying so much.
when you stop looking is when you find your mate.

[Arwing]

Last friday met a female friend, 32 years old, single, known her for 3+ years already. We went out for a bite (chaperoned by her brother, who was kind enough to sit between us for the duration), asked how she was, says "not ready for a relationship yet", but says that our relationship should proceed "step-by-step", that she'll be ready in some unspecified future, and I should wait for her if I'm serious.
Should I just give up?

That's a tough one. One would assume if you have known her for 3years +, any romance would have surfaced by now (though it's not a science, so you can never be sure)

It could mean yes, she is interested, and if you are sincere in your feelings she will one day share hers with you...... it could be a "nice way" of saying no, in the hope you will give up..... or she could be playing hard to get...... relationships are complicated (1 of many reasons i'm not in one )

Also the fact you have been friends for a while could have some bearing on the situation. I have been friends with a girl for about 10years (since we started 6th form in school at 16) and she is a very very pretty girl, and we have loads in common and everyone asks "why arn't you 2 together?" and to be honest, i have even asked myself that question. Simple answer is, because we have been friends for so long, i look at her as a realy good friend and although i appreciate her beauty, my feelings towards her are more of that one would have towards a sister, so a relationship will never be on the cards, but best friends forever. (hope that made sence??)

Anyway, maybe the lady in question views your relationship this way??

My philosphy is, if 2 people like each other, let a relationship (if there's going to be one) both develope and progress naturally. No games, no playing hard to get and all that rubbish, if it's meant to happen, it will.

Being single = Freedom, so it's not all that bad depends on what you want in life at the present moment i suppose.

[simonlovesbkk]

thanks for explaining.

> It is pretty rare that I see a farang with a girl except for in the center.

maybe you need an outing to the suburbs don't know, go to swimming pools, parks, hot springs, waterfalls, wherever average Thais go. sounds like you move around in hi-so circles and that may not be the best place to find what you are looking for.
I'm not exactly the right person to give relationship advice since I hasn't been in one for a number of years
but all I know is that at my school I know maybe over 50 farang-Thai couples (colleagues and students' parents), hardly any are bargirl-old creep couples, and maybe some have cracks to hide, probably many don't.
sorry, maybe I am way off the mark, just trying to be a little helpful by giving a slightly different point of view.

MsterA, love the song. Looks like a good answer for many guys who failed good relationship. lol

James, I noticed you got more relaxed after throwing your bitterness out in the forum. You might not get your answer yet but at leastttttttt you can tell that, without beer belly, you can feel some warmth from this forum too. Learn how to "live with the bites" from Paul. Betti's first response to your post were just some random guesses. Like she said, she duzn't know you. Even though she just gave me a kick for my foul mouth and called me pretender for my jokes/mischievousness, I, somehow, think that what she said was partly true.

There might not be something wrong with you (But I personally think that your long introduction wouldn't impress any woman on earth. I know you didn't try to impress any woman but what you said could come across that way) or those women you approached too. I'm Thai and, for years, these are mostly what I've heard from my good looking female friends when asked about good looking/handsome guys:
-Is he gay?
- He's taken for sure.
- I don't wanna compete with other girls (they might also think that too)
- He's too handsome for me.
- Handsome guys are flirty.

What do you think when you see a good looking/beautiful/sexy girl?

Good looking guys might try less since they think their looks help a lot already. Like you experienced, they do at first. After a while, it's purely(word choice?) your skills.

Anyway, we don't know you. Cannot say that your issue is YOURSELF or you are unlucky for having met girls who are not ready for serious commitment. lol

Marie, you amazed me again

excellent post !