Understanding Thai Culture about marriage

[snoopdog1]

When I visited my fiancee's family, we sat around a table and the elder member told me what i need to do in order to be accepted by family and to marry into family. They said I need to pay $3,000 for wedding party, give $3,000 to Oldest sister for taking care of future wife, and submitting something gold worth $1,000. Are these numbers typical for marrying Thai girl and being accepted by family. I am an American and we plan on living in Thailand.

[khonrai]

HI

Every marriage is different
how old are you. what is your finacial situation
how old is fiancee
how long have you known her.
how many times or how long have you been to Thailand.

slow down do not rush take your time if true love will be there forever
do search and read about many that rushed into relationships that ended in disaster.

Seems like those that rush into relationship after only knowing girl a few months always ends bad
but those of us that took time and waited to make sure are very happy and together for long time

best of luck

[snoopdog1]

We have known each other for one year. I am 55, she is 42, never married and says she is a virgin. I believe her, Met her family, they all treated me great, all seemed to accept me into family, but what bothers me is the $3,000 given to her oldest sister. That is not a dowry because she told me she will not get it back. Am I being fleeced on this. If so should I tell my fiancee, where does it say in your culture that man gives thai future wifes mother or oldest sister this money because she helped raise her. I am not a rich person, in fact i have lost 80% of my money in The US Economy. My Thai girlfriend knows this and does not care whether I rich or poor. Should I tell her maybe I can only afford to give sister $1,000 or none at all. Thanks Snoopdog1

[Deknoi]

If you can just take a step back for a second, ask yourself if you really believe a 42 year old woman is a virgin and has waited through 20+ years of sexual maturity for just the right man who just happens to be you?

That aside, Thai culture does require... expenditure when it comes to marriage, but the way things are being dictated to you makes me wary. Paying the person who raised your fiancé might be reasonable if she were 25, but she's a grown woman and her sister hasn't taken care of her for a long time.

Realistically, she's about to start the menopause, her virginity is dubious and the justification for 130,000 baht isn't strong.

The fact that the family are dictating to you how much you must pay without any discussion with you leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Sadly it's probably too late to do anything about it anyway because they will have crowed off to all the neighbours about how much you are going to pay and they'll lose face if you don't fulfil the expectations they created.

[khonrai]

HI

every thing is negotable. the price is not set in stone..
usually it is the elder members of both familys that discuss price and can be quite lengthy and drawn out process to get final figure.

only you will know if she is or was a virgin on your wedding night.
as i assume you have not had physical relationship.
Which I find Odd as most thais are very affectionate and once they make up their mind that you are the one they act like you are married way before any ceremony.

but different strokes for different people .

Is it important to you that she is a virgin? or more important that she tell the truth

If fiancee has no parents and older sister raised her then she probably expects your fiancee and you to help her out as she gets older typical of thai culture.
If fiancee has no lands of birthright to any and no husband it is quite possible her older sister has taken care of her for yrs. or maybe fiancee borrowed money from sister.

I don't think you are getting fleeced if so they aren't asking for much.

just keep talking and asking questions don't assume anything and try not to put a western spin on every little detail.

have you thought or talked about her moving to USA ?
that could give you a good insight as to what is really going on

[oeshidez]

An expression came from attitude
Expression is the act of expressing something" is tautological, or at least not educative, because expression is a noun formed from the verb to express, something you would have guessed yourself.

An attitude came from experienced and knowledge.
Attitude is a hypothetical construct that represents an individual's degree of like or dislike for an item. Attitudes are generally positive or negative views of a person, place, thing, or event-- this is often referred to as the attitude object. People can also be conflicted or ambivalent toward an object, meaning that they simultaneously possess both positive and negative attitudes toward the item in question.

An Experience as a general concept comprises knowledge of or skill in or observation of some thing or some event gained through involvement in or exposure to that thing or event . The history of the word experience aligns it closely with the concept of experiment.
Quote from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Pre-History before 1930 of Thai culture, traditional, beliefs and society.
Thais conservative culture and tradition were strongly believed and very strictly in keep virginity until married. Even though, girls and boys were biological brothers and sisters. They were raised up separately before their hormones started driving. Females were taught about all house works and handcraft. Males grew up and learnt to be the head of his territory ,worked and maintained his whole family. Education was only for males. Wedding and married marry occurred from both families and parents agreement (Arrange Married). Sin Sot or dowry considered as some repay for the compensation to the female’s parents. Price of sinsot may varies. Then females were belong one of her husband assets. Moreover, Thais conservative community was very small and their connection in the same circle with their same status of social class- level. Any person whoever dares to break its traditional and social rules considered to be the most shameful and bring up the most embarrassing to family.

Afterward World War II in 1940s-1960s.
Although, Thai society had been influenced by Western culture through Medias such as television, newspaper. Those Thai conservative concepts were not away easily. The main reason that western culture could not widespread too much in Thai because the limitation of media channels on an early Thai baby boom campaign.
The Thai Baby boom generation was taught as the same as their parents had been taught and beliefs. However, there are 20 years of gap between females who was born in an early baby boom generation and the late baby boom generation.
Consideration to Thai females who were born in the lately baby boom, were influenced by western culture rather than the early 40s because there were more technologies development. The channels of communication were also wider. Some were following western lifestyle, most still believed and perform as they were taught.

Since 1960s- the present.
New technologies are inventing and developing. Media become the most powerful weapon. Culture absorption is considered as a new tactic and strategy to conquer the world. No wonder, western lifestyle becomes somewhat a life to die for. Thai female generation X, Y and Z are living, working in multi-culture flooding. Western lifestyle seems to be the new in-trend. Keep virginity until married became an old fashion and ridiculous for some. However, it still be in Thai culture whether, whoever forget about what we had been taught.

Personally I respect in every culture and traditional.
I strongly believe in differentiation of cultures.
Still virginity even if a woman turns 30, 40 or 50. It could be the truth, was the truth, and/ or lied..

So what you had seen and was taught and believed in your culture?

[djaidee]

If I were you I would be very careful.

Hearing the story makes the Alarm Bell ring.

Being 42 y.o. and telling you that she is a virgin probably means that she already was married once and probably has 2 or more children; these children might already have been introduced to you by saying that these are kids from other relatives.

I might be wrong and there might always be exceptions, but still you have to be careful.

[aardvark]

I strongly suggest that you read up about Thai culture. I recommend a book called "Thailand Fever" which is well worth reading.

If you are to spend the rest of you lives together then surely you should at least learn about your partners culture.

Sin Sod is part of Thai culture and although you should pay a fair price you must understand why you are paying it. I think many people look at it as if they are buying a car !! :-(

Only my thoughts.....

Still saving for my Sin Sod :-)

[paul_au]

A dowry is not part of American culture and you will expect her to respect your culture, tell her there will be no arguments. That's all you have to say.

[khonrai]

HI
Paul you are right theres is no dowry anymore

But

In american culture the groom is supposd to buy fiancee an engagement wedding ring costling the equal of two months salary. the grooms parents ae supposed to foot the rehersal dinner the brides family covers most of the wedding and reception then it is customary for grooms Dad to give a large check to newly weds.

Give me the Thai sin sod any day

MY son is getting married in OCT I wish he was Thai .
it would save Him and I a bunch of money .

I am tired of the old line we don't buy brides in western culture.
but many spend just as much if not much on weddings.

the cheap charlies don't in any country.