Understanding Thai Culture about marriage

[Susana]

I spent a few years as a single mother on a tight budget. We didn't eat out often, but when we did I made sure to take enough money for a good tip. Most of the waitresses I have known are either single mothers, college students or senior citizens who need the income. I don't particularly like the system - I believe everyone should receive a living wage and not have to grovel for tips - but I have to go along with the reality of the situation.

Incidentally, I have never received poor service undeserving of a tip. In such case I think I would be within my rights to tell the waitperson why I was not tipping.

[Betti]

I think it should be the responsibility of the management to pay proper wages to waiters, hairdressers, taxi drivers, delivery guys, porters, maids etc.
btw, in Hungary doctors and nurses get tips too. big tips. that's like the only way to get proper service, jump the queue, or a nurse to clean up your shit. would you agree with that? if not, what makes tips acceptable for waiters?

I just don't get it.

[khonrai]

HI

tipping in USA is like paying sin sodt in Thailand
you can't really understand it
unless you have grown up in the respective culture's

[Mouserkm]

snoop....

I am going to wade into this discussion.. Hopefully I will make sense. I am 50, and I am engaged to a wonderful 25 year old woman. Her family is very conservative. Strong family, rice farmers. She is College educated, and right now She is living in the US - we are getting Married on Oct 2nd. Then we are filing a change of status on her K1 and getting her a green card.

Now... For the details. When we discussed the everything - this is how it broke out. BTW - you can see the engagement party.. in the photos I have uploaded. I asked for permission to marry her from her family. I was asked to leave a gift to so my sincerity of my intention. I gave cash, and gold to both her mother, and her. They left the amount of the Sinsod up to me. They left the date of our marriage up to me. In fact, it was not what I expected.

Now I cannot say - but I suspect that you need to sit down and talk with your gf, and iron out what you two want. You can take the Thai girl out of Thailand.. but you cannot take Thailand out of the Thai girl. I firmly believe that if you are after the best possible relationship with your woman, then you need to make sure her family is happy - especially the parents. In my situation, I have never been poked fun at for asking questions, and negotiating. In fact they seem a little at shock - that I understood, the conversation was a two way discussion.

There are many people here that will give you good advice and bad advice. Those that advocate talking and taking your time.. GOOD ADVICE. Rin and I are getting Married in Nov 2010 in Thailand. That will be our official marriage. The marriage in the US is only for her ability to travel back and forth with ease. She is not interested in getting a US citizenship. You two need to talk, we can give you all the ideas and information you want - but the bottom line - your situation is unique to you two. There will be similar threads, but in reality - its two people forging a life together.

Those are unique and beautiful periods.. They are made special by the amount of openness the two share, the amount and depth of communications... Those are moments of togetherness that only you and her will have as good memeories....

Mouser aka Kirk

[billk]

I know many restaurants in NY started doing this years ago to thwart cheap tourists.

Australians are probably to blame then.

[oeshidez]

snoop....

Now i cannot say - but i suspect that you need to sit down and talk with your gf, and iron out what you two want. You can take the thai girl out of thailand.. But you cannot take thailand out of the thai girl. I firmly believe that if you are after the best possible relationship with your woman, then you need to make sure her family is happy - especially the parents. In my situation, i have never been poked fun at for asking questions, and negotiating. In fact they seem a little at shock - that i understood, the conversation was a two way discussion.

Mouser aka kirk

a+++

[billk]

Incidentally, I have never received poor service undeserving of a tip. In such case I think I would be within my rights to tell the waitperson why I was not tipping.

It doesn't happen often but I will share one instructive story.

A night out with my family at a posh French restaurant when I was 14 is seared into my memory. For the whole evening we were made to feel not good enough to be at their restaurant by the snotty waiter. Then, at the end of the evening, my dad felt compelled to give him a bigger tip than he would give at a less flashy restaurant where we would have received good service.

If ever I have an experience like that I vote with my feet and never return.

One good measure of people is whether they treat waiting staff respectfully. On this occasion, I think the measure of that guy was whether he could treat all of his customers respectfully and he failed miserably.

BTW: I have had shambolic service at Thai restaurants but never had rude service. That's one of the reasons I eat at Thai restaurants so often.

[Mouserkm]

I was taught...

20% for excellent service
10% for ok service
a Penny for lousy service.

(Rumor has it - the number of penny's can also represent How bad the service was)

I agree, in Thailand - I have never received rude service...

Mouser aka Kirk

[AzureAussie]

For sure, western society still generally is socialized to see wealth/money/status as essential elements in why a woman chooses a man as a partner.
eg
If you go looking for a woman in pubs and nightclubs in the West, you don't get woman buying men drinks, it's always the other way round. In such small ways is the truth revealed. The man is expected to prove he can afford the woman. If a man is unwilling to spend money, he's labelled as "cheap".
eg
On western dating sites a man's employment status plays a large part in how many women indicate interest in him. The reverse is not true. Why? Because in the West a woman is attractive because of how she looks and a man is attractive because of his financial achievements/reliability/status. I'm talking socialization not ideals.
My point is that it makes sense for a man to do whatever he needs to do to "get" the woman he wants.
If I have the chance I'll be giving someone MORE money than they think my Lady is worth, just to make HER feel good. If she's happy, I'm happy.
Peace,
Mikel.

[Mouserkm]

HI
Paul you are right theres is no dowry anymore

But
<snip> <snip>

Do not forget the rehearsal dinner, and all the other things that normally fall to the groom.... and his family...

A typical dinner can cost between 400 and 1000 dollars... the rental of the TUXs can add another 500, just depends... and then there are the flowers and things.. there is a lot of cost to the american weddings...

Paul, you need to stop being stubborn and admit you are bitter because of some treatment you received at the hands of a woman....

Kirk