I am the Secret Boyfriend.

[Clashfan]

IMHO... I feel Thai culture is such (for that matter most Asians), the single females dont want to to be seen around with Males, specially foreigners, until they are 100% sure of the relationship or they are married to them. A Thai single female associating a foreigner seem to raise quite a few eyebrows.

So do give her the benefit of the doubt - she could be very genuine and trying to do her best for your relationship.

Very well say ravip!

[paul_au]

I met my Former then at the time 25 year old Thai girlfriend on line, that was 8 years ago, she was single never married no children when we met, we became boyfriend and girlfriend online after about 6 weeks of chatting and then I went to Thailand to see her about 3 months after meeting her on the net. My former Thai girlfriend had no hesitation in introducing me to her family and friends as her boyfriend.
When some one Denise who you are to others, it is quite obvious to me there hiding something from you.

[khonrai]

HI

ask her straight out" why don't you introduce me to your friends"
but not in an accusatory way. try and work it into a conversation .

also the idea about going right back is good.

I meet my wife on the internet went for a 8 day visit first time
it seemed to good to be true. so i went back for another visit just 10 days later
to prove what I felt was real and reciprocated.

I only called her two days before I left to tell her. she was so excited and said she would be on the next bus to Bangkok to meet me at airport and then go visit her family. in Issan.

everybody and their dogs came over to see me. LOL I lost track of most peoples names and relationship with my wife. what impressed me most was the villagers reaction to my wife.
I could tell that she was a very well respected and loved member of the village
she was 37 at the time and had two children one in University and another in village
she has never lied to me she has a saying that I love she says " my mind no good I can't remember lie so I always tell truth"

and we have been together ever since.

[maipenrai99]

In my opinion this isn't necessarily a Thai culture thing (though it very well could be) - but I think more a matter of being shy. It took me ages to introduce my boyfriend to family and friends, and I think after only ten days of direct contact I would be hesitant to bring somebody home as more than just a friend.
I think if she is generally a shy person it might fit in. If she is normally very outgoing and talkative, then maybe there's a reason she is not proud of you or your relationship?
Try to ask her about her family and friends, show interest, then it will either come naturally to her to introduce you properly, or you'll get a better feeling for why she is hiding you.
Good luck!

[Mouserkm]

Thank you All for taking the time to respond.

I'll point out that I didn't suggest Kitty said she was a virgin or any such thing. She has a daughter from her first, arranged marriage, who I have met and she was engaged to married at some point in the 17 years since she left that arranged marriage.

<snip> <snip>

Peace.
Mikel.

Mikel;

You do not need to go into more details, or justify yourself. You have come looking for ideas, comments, and advice.. which many here are willing to give you ... AS I DO A LOT ALSO....

Thailand is an adventure.. there is nothing as it seems... and when you go.. you abandon your well laid out plans.. as nothing goes as it seems...

If you are willing to take a chance - you might have found a winner.. or you might have found a loser.. and learn a few lessons along the way... making you wiser. I am happy to say, that the naysayers have purpose.. to help balance out life.. I do not agree with them... they are very negative for me.. I look for the good in all situations.. even the bad ones...

Just my 2 cents... but you need to explore your relationship.. and make your own decisions ... if you listen to us.. and you are stirred the wrong direction.. then you of all men will be most miserably...

Kirk

[AzureAussie]

Hi All,
I appreciate the new responses, thanks for taking the time to share your diverse perspectives. I am most persuaded by the idea that a Thai woman from certain streams of Thai culture and society may be (fairly) unwilling to engage the inevitable family "all in" on the issue of a Fallang boyfriend until she's certain the stress of that is worth the reward. In fact I had another Thai lady I know say to me just yesterday, when I was asking her what she thought of my Girlfriends attitude, "I would not bring any man home until I knew he was going to marry me." A statement I found startling but interesting as it seemed similar to my Ladies caution and was made not about Fallang males but any male at all.
Perhaps it is wise to recognise that Thailand is a large country with more than one cultural and tradition stream flowing in it.
If I will make a comparison from my own culture - I was 42 before I ever met a racisist Australian, that stream of tradition exists here but I did not bump into anyone spouting racisist slurs and mottos for 42 years! Perhaps there are many different streams of tradition and attitude flowing thru Thai society and one stream, for example, welcomes the Fallang boyfriend with open arms and another stream sees the Fallang boyfriend as dubious and to be greeted with great caution.

I will be going back, hopefully in three or four months. Have to arrange my trips around university timetable. I have a related question but I think it's worth a new thread so I'll start the new one rather than ask the question here.
Peace, and thanks all for helping me think my way clearly.
Mikel.

[David_Loves_Ubonwan]

"I would not bring any man home until I knew he was going to marry me." A statement I found startling but interesting as it seemed similar to my Ladies caution and was made not about Fallang males but any male at all.

My wife says the same thing too.

David

[AzureAussie]

Just to tidy up this narrative. As detailed in another thread I realized, about a week too late for total personal contentment, that the lady in question was many things and one of them was fundamentally selfish. Perhaps she was a scammer, perhaps not. Perhaps she simply saw me as both a decent partner and a source of steady income, perhaps not. Perhaps she was genuine toward me and her attitude to my money was simply her pragmatic perspective on someone she saw as her long term partner, perhaps not. For me the issue was settled when I realized that she was selfish. I was married once to a selfish person, I won't endure that a second time. Life is too short. The information on which I concluded she is selfish is mostly absent from the posts I've contributed here on the issue, I had to review five months of relationship to work it out, not going to dump that kind of thing here.

It was a learning experience. I hope I have learned the lesson well.

Peace,
Mikel.

[mmaaddict]

Just to tidy up this narrative. As detailed in another thread I realized, about a week too late for total personal contentment, that the lady in question was many things and one of them was fundamentally selfish. Perhaps she was a scammer, perhaps not. Perhaps she simply saw me as both a decent partner and a source of steady income, perhaps not. Perhaps she was genuine toward me and her attitude to my money was simply her pragmatic perspective on someone she saw as her long term partner, perhaps not. For me the issue was settled when I realized that she was selfish. I was married once to a selfish person, I won't endure that a second time. Life is too short. The information on which I concluded she is selfish is mostly absent from the posts I've contributed here on the issue, I had to review five months of relationship to work it out, not going to dump that kind of thing here.

It was a learning experience. I hope I have learned the lesson well.

Peace,
Mikel.

So your saying that your gf that wouldn't tell her family about you...was only using you? or was that another lady? Sorry if this is a stupid question but reading you last post and your previous posts....has confused me????? Just got back from work and very very tired.

[AzureAussie]

So your saying that your gf that wouldn't tell her family about you...was only using you? or was that another lady? Sorry if this is a stupid question but reading you last post and your previous posts....has confused me????? Just got back from work and very very tired.

Hi, sorry for the long wait for a reply.
I think the fact of that woman, who was my gf at the time, wanting to keep me a secret was open to negative interpretation, once I understood other things that were going on as well. I think it possible another woman in a different situation might have a similar concern and it not be a red flag, at least initially.

For me the deciding issue was not the "secrecy" but my eventual understanding of her character issues, which only became very clear after I had spent time with her face to face. There is a limit to how selfish a person can be in an online chat! That kind of thing can be easier to see face to face, which is why meeting before romancing is a good idea generally.

Peace,
Mikel.