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Is there any hope? - Page 2
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  1. #11
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    Re: Is there any hope?

    Are you sure she is a massage girl and not a bar girl? There is a difference.
    Yes, She is a massage gril, I know where she works. Are they practically prostitutes?
    but when I tell my husband about this, all he says is no, she is not. she is very decent, earning money for the family, etc... he thinks he is rescuing a poor girl.

    what I am most angry about is: How can he just forget all his responsibilities for his family? he has a wife and a young child, how can a man just walk away from all these? I suppose he is really an immoral person to do this. Am I right?
    Last edited by sadkate; 24-04-10 at 12:24 AM. Reason: typo

  2. #12
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    Re: Is there any hope?

    HI

    He is not thinking with his brain but another organ.
    take him for as much as you can in the divorce. Better you and your child get it before he throws it away.
    Do not blame yourself. he is living out a fantasy . he may not see reality again until he hits bottom or his new girl throws him out.
    then he may come back to you.

    comming from the west the Thai lifestyle "that most tourist see" is very addictive
    but after you live there a while the fantasy wears off and you see the real life hardships.
    many men can't handle it and run back home after a few years. broke and with their tails between their legs.

    how old is he? and how old are you? you two don't sound very old if you have a young child

  3. #13
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    Re: Is there any hope?

    To answer your question, If she works in one of the large massage parlours The big glass window type, yes, "full service" is for sale there. Of the smaller massage shops, some offer "special service" Some are straight Thai massage shops with no "extras" involved, but I have to say these would be in the minority.

    This is a family friendly forum so I had better not to get too graphic but in your situation, I think the moderators may make allowances.

    What reasons does he give you for the change in his behaviour?

  4. #14
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    Re: Is there any hope?

    Quote Originally Posted by KhaoNiaw View Post
    It's quite possible that she won't want to marry him. She might be stringing along a number of other men and that's much easier to do if none of them are around permanently. He might not be able to keep her in her accustomed lifestyle if other sources of income are put at risk.
    Yes-another very common scenario with multiple mobile phones with the names of the men concerned on them!
    But hey! It could be true love! But I am betting none of my money it is!

  5. #15
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    Re: Is there any hope?

    Kate, he is entirely no longer relevant to you. Understanding him won't help you, if understanding was possible. Many men won't be able to understand his behaviour either. He is unworthy. Being alone is better than being with someone like that. Getting rid of such a person's influence in your emotions is your biggest task and your eventual victory.

    Trust betrayed is virtually impossible to re-establish without the betrayed partner being willing to take HUGE risks for dubious rewards.

    I don't agree with others that this is something to do with Thai women. Men carry their flaws with them and will find SOME where to act them out somehow, sometime. This isn't about you Kate, it's not your failing or fault. His choices, his flaws, his actions.

    Find a way to become free, move forward into a better life, find a way to be, again, content and happy.

    Peace,
    Mikel.

  6. #16
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    Re: Is there any hope?

    If she works in one of the large massage parlours The big glass window type, yes, "full service" is for sale there.
    Yes, it is actually a very big massage place and I confirmed with the owner that she offer the full service and showed it to my husband, yet he said it is not true.

    Anyway, it does not matter who she is. The fact he actually did this behind my back is beyond my imagintion. I thought we were happy before all this, even bought a condo a month before in Florida. After I discovered his affair, he said he was not happy in the marriage for the past 3 years! How come he never said this. As a matter of fact, a Thai detective helped me found out that he stalked another girl before, and it was confirmed in the emails that he wrote to the giril, the girl asked him about it, and he said this time it is different, how he is so attracted to her in the first instance, etc. Apparently all the girls in the massage place knew him and thought he was a nutter, stalking girls. It is hard to believe he is this nice man I married to. He obviously has a double life I am not aware of.

  7. #17
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    Re: Is there any hope?

    Getting rid of such a person's influence in your emotions is your biggest task and your eventual victory.
    Thanks, this is exactly what I want to do, I am getting better, but it is really hard to do it, especially he does not even think he is doing something wrong. All he says is "oh, the only thing I did wrong is I left you". I can not believe it! what a man this is! the soonder I divorce him the better. We actually have 17 years age difference. he is in mid 50s. When he met me, he had a marriage and he told me that his ex wife was aweful, terrible, beat him, cold to him, the marriage was over, so all his friends told me the same thing. After we met 5 years we married 7 years ago. Now coming to think of it, I think he perhaps was cheating then, I felt very sorry now to his first wife and the same thing is happening to me. I gues it is what goes around comes around.

    This massage girl I found out is actually married with 2 children. Then the detective said in Thailand you could have a village ceremony without record. So How will his whole affair end up? I know it does not matter to me any more, but still he is my son's father, I want to find out as much as I can to see where will this all goes.

    I will move on as I should be and I have started it.

  8. #18
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    Re: Is there any hope?

    It's quite obvious this man has a character flaw, he's not worth your time of day, it's obvious from me when he married you, he married you because that's the best he could get, not who he actually wanted, he was probably never really attracted to you due to his inability to get what he wanted and has always been on the look out for possibilities of another relationship even at home, it's possible he also has a sex addiction like Tiger Woods. This Thai woman probably satisfies him physically more than anything at the same time treats him like a king, of course that is for money on her part, once she does not get money to support her family it will be off, but of course he will keep paying for it because he most likely has an addiction to young firm smoothed skinned woman.
    Get on with your life Kate, you are a victim of being attracted to the wrong type of man, don't make the same mistake again, next time marry some one you don't like and look at there character instead, that's what he did with you, that way you will understand what he got out of your marriage, total boredom, but yes he got a good persion, but that's not what he wants. Your next relationship can be filled with the same type of boredom if your willing to look at character rather than attraction, but you going to have to force your self to love some one you don't like or you will end up with another man the same.
    Don't waist your time Kate using a detective the relationship is over get on with your life, you are to good for him.

  9. #19
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    Re: Is there any hope?

    Once a cheat always a cheat, he has an addiction and you can't change his character, he will probably cheat on this Thai woman as well it's only a matter of time.

  10. #20
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    Re: Is there any hope?

    he will probably cheat on this Thai woman as well it's only a matter of time.
    This is exactly what I think. He actually does not think cheating is anything wrong, he believes that he has the right to do whatever he likes. So I shall wait and see how all these ends.

    A strange thing is he does not actually like that much of sex from what I experienced, not excessive anyway. He told me that he never had physical contact with this woman, and it is all mental. Yet I found once that he actually googled "hot vid". So never know what is the truth.

    When he used to write to me, he said "I never experienced this kind of love before", and I found he used the same sentence to this Thai woman, he is even singing the same song, his behavior is the same, send web cards, find excuse to go out to make phone calls, find conferences to travel to see this woman, etc.
    This is how I found out so quickly that he was cheating, because I know the behavior.

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