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Complexities of a Thai girl's mind...
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  1. #1
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    Complexities of a Thai girl's mind...

    Hi all

    I chanced upon this forum and wanted to share and ask some thoughts from you folks about a new relationship I have with a thai girl.

    She is 21, I am 30 and we met over the internet. My understanding is her family background is fairly modest, they live in chiang rai while she lives in Bkk. She is a university student and works part time in a call centre. We met up when she came over to Malaysia for an exchange programme and we have been in contact, chatting over the blackberry messanger for some time now. I have visited her in Thailand and we have gone for a holiday together. She reads, write and speaks english fairly well. Everything is fine and dandy… and things are getting serious and we are now “officially dating” but there’s really quite a lot that I do not understand about her, or the thai culture (which she constantly uses as an excuse) so I would really appreciate some thoughts.

    In our first few dates, she would constantly bring a friend (who would just sit there and talk to her in thai, which I didn’t understand) – she will ask the friend along when we arranged the date, which was really annoying. And sometimes the friend will leave us alone for a while but would constantly call her to ask if I was there or have I left!! Most of the time the friend just sits there and play around with her bb messanger. I asked her about it and she said that this is usual (!). I told her I really find it uncomfortable and she stopped doing it.

    Now, the friend part is sorted but the next thing is her lack of affection. She prefers that we not hold hands in public, that I walk a few steps behind her, no kissing (absolutely no kissing at all, even when we parted ways at the airport – her eyes would redden and would tear when she walks past the gate but no kissing or hugging is allowed when we part (!)). She says that all Thai couples are like that… only Isaan bar girls are not shy and will behave affectionately in public. Huh? Is this for real? I am talking about a 21 year old young girl… who lives in modern bkk.

    When we are alone, she is less inhibited but still very unexpressive. She does what she wants, when she wants – if she wants to bb chat with her friends even within the last 2 hours of us being together, that’s what she does. She says she won’t force herself to do something she doesn’t want to – she says she doesn’t want to fake anything. Again, drawing from the Isaan bar girl analogy. That these girls will do anything their “farang” bf does but its not real, its also a farce. She wants me to see the real her… which is to do what she wants when she wants…

    Also, she doesn’t want me to be known as her bf by anyone other than her very close friends. Like errrr…. Ok, why not? And she says its Thai as well. I asked her when will she ever bring me home to Chiang rai – she says 3 years! 3 YEARS….(!) again, a thai reason – because if her folks disapprove, she will have to break up with me. Huh? Is this for real? And if so, why would she rather keep them in the dark?

    She says she never had a boyfriend before – but her facebook account (which we were viewing together) has “I miss you’s” and “I love you’s” to another guy. “Not real” she says – which is why she can say it so easily. I was like “huh?!! – I thought if it is not real, you will find it difficult to lie, mai?” – “gik” she says… then she explains some weird concept of how it isn’t serious, she doesn’t care about whether the relationship is long term or not, she doesn’t sleep with him so he is not her boyfriend. “Ok – then why don’t u say u love me like you do for your gik?” – she says becos “real – so shy”…. “HUH?!!!” Like seriously please don’t tell me this is a thai thing. So she bb messages me instead (while we are together mind you), becos she is “shy” to tell me face to face….

    My head is spinning…. Help please…

  2. #2
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    Re: Complexities of a Thai girl's mind...

    Are you a Caucasian or Asian? The bringing along friend part is quite usual for the first few dates however not after you had confirmed your "relationship" with her. Weird on not being able to "hold hands" and telling others that you are her boyfriend though unless she wants an "open relationship". It is still common though. Don't be surprise if men approach her and she will tell them that she is single. The way I see it, her being only 21 years old plays a big part in her behavoir. Still sounds immature to me. I won't be serious in this relationship.
    Last edited by BUCKY; 29-04-10 at 03:27 PM.
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  3. #3
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    Re: Complexities of a Thai girl's mind...

    Hi Bucky

    I am Asian. Yes, the whole bit about "holding hands" and not telling friends baffle me... as with the unexpressiveness. But if all she wanted was an open relationship or "gik", then why don't she just tell me. I have (since she explained the meaning of gik), referred myself as her gik, or gik no. 2, or whatever, but will correct me when I do so. All in all, a very strange experience if I must say...

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    Re: Complexities of a Thai girl's mind...

    You think too much. Like I said, I think she's too young to understand the full concept of having a relationship. Her behaviour of not allowing you to hold hands and not admitting that you are her boyfriend already shows she is not serious. If you are caucasian, I can understand why she doesn't want to hold your hands in public as she doesn't want people to think she is "mia farang". As for being a "gik", she doesn't admitting it, doesn't mean you are not. Most of them don't even admit they are in a relationship when approached in pubs let alone admitting they have giks.

    She is only 21 and probably sees herself having many opportunties to come. You should too.
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    Re: Complexities of a Thai girl's mind...

    hmmm... I guess you are right. Although I should be clearer - I referred to myself as her "gik" in private, and I got a stern retort that I am not her "gik" - she is serious, I am her boyfriend. I think this happened twice.

    On a separate note, I must say that she is incredibly polite... referring to anyone as "p" this and "p" that - even the wait staff in this boutique resort we were in told me she was a very nice girl and was keen to know how we met, she can chat with the chambermaid who was also from chiang rai for longer than usual - and she felt uncomfortable when I requested for something out of the ordinary (to her) - like asking the chambermaid to return to clean the room later when we go out. Sorry, I know this is

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    Re: Complexities of a Thai girl's mind...

    Hi chonggt, I suggest that you get yourself the book "thai fever" to understand thai culture better. This will definitly cut down your frustration...

    There are too alot of threads that mention about thai girl behaviour here...

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    Re: Complexities of a Thai girl's mind...

    A good suggestion from Clashfan. The TS could also visit Thai Chat Box (TCB) to chat with other members (some of whom are Thais) to get a good idea about Thai culture.

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    Re: Complexities of a Thai girl's mind...

    Hi

    sounds like a typical young girl any where who is not ready to commit and wants to be free to play the field.

    If you have not been intimate with the girl I see nothing wrong in her actions as a proper
    young thai girl.

    you said you were a resort together

    If you have then she is playing games and sounds high maitence run away fast.

    I am old school I find it very rude to text or talk on phone with some one else when you are on a date or out to dinner.

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    Re: Complexities of a Thai girl's mind...

    I've noticed a few similarities, except my scenario was in the US with her parents visiting as well. Initially met twelve years ago in an exchange program, and it was her return visit and vacation in the US.

    At first, things were as you described. She still maintained friendship of her past few boyfriends, all Thai, over Yahoo/MSN, and was open with that. We laughed over their continuing conversations in both Thai and English. They were friends and that was the extent of it. We share access to each other's email and Facebook's accounts, too.

    Going out on dates were similar, but the intermediary was none other than my younger brother, though we eventually started sneaking out afterwards for some private time. Displays of affection with either our families present or even alone though were kept to a minimum. Her rationale for hesitation for lack of reciprocated action was to our difference in age, with me 23 and her 29, thoughts of going through a long distance relationship, and she wasn't sure of her parents' or my family's reaction, as to them we are brother and sister. She also said that Thai and western girls are different in that regard. I, too, am asian but despite living in a traditional household had a more westernized mindset as compared to her own. Another Thai acquaintance, when the topic was described, thought it was the feeling of insecurity and commitment.

    The more her parents were delighted with me though the less inhibited she was when were together alone. I noticed this particularly when I hosted her and her parents in my residence out of state on the last remainder of their stay in the US. We constantly held hands in public and kissed, sometimes with mutually teary eyes those last few days.

    A few months later, now that she's back in Thailand, however, I am seeing the reason and agree with the idea of her not wanting to fully commit. She had given into insecurity.

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    Re: Complexities of a Thai girl's mind...

    Quote Originally Posted by khonrai View Post
    I am old school I find it very rude to text or talk on phone with some one else when you are on a date or out to dinner.
    People you were hitherto keen on can do three things that should make you resolve not to go out with them again:

    1. Be rude to waiting staff.

    2. Express a love for the music of James Blunt.

    3. Talk on their mobile or text, unless it is an emergency.
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