Thai Women Being Over- Jealous- Is It A Fact Or A Myth?

[JackDiamond]

Jealousy is a Human weakness, Jealousy has no colour, creed or sexual persuasion and it does not favour georaphical regions or physical stature. You are either with a slightly jealous person or not. It is your actions that magnify that situation. Understand the Culture, it will greatly enhance your own life, we Farrangs demand it of our immigrants, am I correct?

[aardvark]

My ex-partner (english) used to work in my business but left when we split up. Several Months later I got together with my now Wife (Thai). Several months after that my ex was having trouble finding work and approached me to see if I would consider re-employing her (didn't need to long to think about that one!!). I mentioned this to my thai girlfriend (now wife) and she said...."Whatever you feel is right for your business is fine for me". I soon told her that it would be the last thing I would do and she agreed it wasn't a good idea but she had no problem if thats what I wanted. I must add my business is based from home (albeit in an office in the garden).

[paul_au]

If your the type of young woman who gets jealous easily, than marry a grumpy fat ugly old man with no money, that way no one else will want him. Jealousy problem solved.

[David_Loves_Ubonwan]

If your the type of young woman who gets jealous easily, than marry a grumpy fat ugly old man with no money, that way no one else will want him. Jealousy problem solved.

Just something I read on the BBC homepage today:

"Francisco Jose de Goya y Lucientes (1746-1828) was the most successful and fashionable artist in Spain. He was short, fat, bald, and irresistible to women."

David

[dot]

Yeah, but isn't there this particular type of "Thai jealousy"? Having thrown all potential configurations of couple conflicts presented in Thai soap operas at you, buttressed by two dozens unsanswered phonecalls (in 5 mins) as clear evidence ... all with the goal of denial that "the jury" could have possibly been wrong with one of her little top-of-the-mind factoids, and following the philosophy that the more one speculates, the higher the probability that there must be a match one day.

Been there, have seen that, and found that ... calmly packing all those "demarcating cosmetics and clothes" in Paragon bags after having called the taxi, is much more effective than dropping a bucket of water to ignite a return to reason within 72 hours.

[badfish]

I just spent some time in Singapore with my thai GF. Her GF who dates a Singaporean man got into a quarrel with him and he went out to hang out with the guys. He left his phone at home and found 80 missed calls from her. My GF thought she was being way too jealous, but I thought it was an interesting story for this topic.

[paul_au]

He was short, fat, bald, and irresistible to women."

and he was extremely wealthy.

[pclev]

Thought provoking: I didn't have time to read all the posts, but here is my take.

What I have written applies to most women, but I believe it is more prevalent in Thailand.

Thai Women are under a lot of pressure regarding boyfriend/husband relationships. It is surprising how many are "not fully happy" because of it.
Because Thailand really has a double standard against a woman's growth opportunities the feeling of "just going it alone" (as many Western women are comfortable to do) is very, very rare. Most Thai women feel they need a husband to survive, to be able to raise children, and to help meet the obligations to her parents when they get old. This pressure is passed on from mother to daughter as easily as teaching them to close the door or turn off the lights.
Most Thai women are "not fully happy" when they are single because of the insecurity of their future. They are only going to be young and beautiful for a limited time and this is their best opportunity for security. Most Thai women are "not fully happy" when they have a boyfriend because Thai guys tend to feed on the pressure/insecurity issue and feel empowered in making the girl feel a bit insecure. It is too easy for the guy to say; if you don't, then somebody else will: and the girl caves to it. This is how unwed mothers are produced. When a Thai girl has a serious boyfriend then she is only one step away from having a real husband who will help her fulfill the lessons her mother has taught her: the stakes are high.
Unfortunately when the Thai woman is married there is a serious chance the marriage will fail (especially after a baby is born). They have pressured themselves to meet the mother's expectations and now they are pressured to meet the husband's expectation. What is the measure of effort which is needed to insure the "control" of another person's actions?
My Thai wife and I have discussed this. She is beautiful, smart, and takes great care of our house, our son, and me: she is still insecure and sometimes jealous. I am able to manage this culture of insecurity by removing the possibility of doubt on a daily basis. It would be silly to think I could “correct” something which was taught by her mother. My wife gets a lot of tolerance when it comes to the "green-eyed monster" because she is beautiful, smart, and takes great care of our house, our son, and me. This is also known as marriage.

Oh yeah. When you see the single, forty-something year old Thai woman with two or three kids working two or three jobs to stay alive this might help to encapsulate what happens when cultural expectations and dreams come crashing down. If she smiles at you with sincere kindness, then you may have just witnessed a miracle of the human spirit or she might simply want to take you from your wife.
Of course some Thai woman are cranky, *itches who don’t know when to shut up.

The topic was women Marie: that is why I did not include the insecurity of men.

[Jeroensky]

Hi.
I answer now to this post, because i've a fine relationship with my Thai lady for 7 months now. (living in Amsterdam, The Netherlands)
Key factor is: building 100% trust in each other, and always speak the truth.

Because in my relationship their is no reason to be jealous. So we're not.
My girlfriend has a Dutch boyfriend before me, who cheated her lots of time. So in the beginning my girlfriend was very suspicious to me. But if you always talk the truth, and trust her, then after a time she'll see that the situation is really trustful.(if she thinks you cheat, just let her read your email or website postings, explain text messages of phone. Just tell the truth)

I think this is in all relationships, so even without Thai people :-)

I'm very happy with my Thai girlfriend. She'll become Dutch citizen. We work on that, it's a process of a few years. I motivate her to look for work that she likes, also arrange Dutch language lessons. It's important to let her work on her career, i mean two people earn more then one.
We're both very happy and very comfortable & relax & trustfully with each other.

What you give, is what you get back, with any partner in a relationship.

[Marie]

I saw this article on how to handle jealousy. I thought I should post it in this thread.

Three Tips for Dealing with Jealousy
By Bob Strauss

One of the things that makes “jealousy” such a loaded word is that it’s really a concoction of various other emotions, the exact recipe for which depends on the individual. As Dr. Scott Haltzman, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men, phrases it, jealousy “is the fear or worry that someone with whom you have an emotional relationship may be experiencing an attraction toward another person... it generates a host of emotions, such as sadness and inadequacy, or rage and desire for retribution. The sadness comes from the fear of losing the object of your love, and the rage comes from a desire to have it back.”

Fear, worry, sadness, inadequacy, rage — as stark as those emotions sound, you may be surprised to learn that a little jealousy is perfectly healthy (and even normal) in a relationship. No jealousy at all — or huge, seething buckets of it — are a good indication that something has gone amiss. So how do you know if you’re feeling the “right” amount of jealousy, and how do you express it without driving your significant other crazy? Here are some tips.

1. Be honest with yourself. According to Dr. Ish Major, author of Little White Whys: A No Nonsense Guide to the Lies Men Tell in Relationships and Why, some men feel so secure in themselves and in the fidelity of their partners that they experience no jealous feelings whatsoever. Aside from these lucky guys, Major says, most men who refuse to admit to jealousy fall into one of two camps: either “they aren’t paying attention and have no clue that they should feel jealous,” or “they simply don’t care... this type of guy would be more than happy if someone (other than himself) would come and sweep a partner off of her feet and right out of his life.”

Clearly, it’s better to acknowledge (at least to yourself, and perhaps to trusted friends or relatives) the little bit of jealousy you do feel, rather than letting it fester for weeks or months only to explode at a melodramatic moment. Sometimes, just sitting down and writing in a journal will help you to objectively assess your feelings; perusing a hastily scribbled entry, like “Mamie should have been home from the grocery store 20 minutes ago! I KNOW she’s been flirting with the floor manager!” will hopefully make you feel ridiculous enough that you’ll do something more productive than obsessing over your significant other.

2. Express your feelings appropriately. Sometimes, as with that grocery store fantasy, jealousy-provoking scenarios are best left unshared with your partner. If you do decide to unload, Dr. Haltzman says, you should keep in mind that “expressing jealousy is a double-edged sword. It says ‘I care about you enough to be jealous,’ but it also says ‘I don’t trust you.’ I think it’s more important to talk about the experiences that lead to jealousy rather the jealousy itself. So instead of saying ‘I’m really jealous of the time you’re spending with Tommy,’ you might say, ‘I have to admit, I’m a little jealous that you and Tommy went to the movies and then went out afterward.’”

Granted, very few people can discuss their jealous feelings so rationally and calmly. Says Dr. Major, “It’s rarely helpful to express full-fledged anger over an issue that has made you jealous. You can never control a person to determine who flirts with whom and what their respective responses are; just make sure you’re doing everything you should as a mate, because you’re the only one you can fully control in this equation.” What are the signs that you’ve taken your jealous feelings too far? One clue, Dr. Major quips, is that “you notice children and strangers looking on in horror and snapping pictures of you with their phones.”

3. If you’re not feeling it, don’t be afraid to fake it. “Some, if not most, women are absolutely flattered when their partners get jealous,” says Dr. Major. “Think Marilyn Monroe. Think Scarlett O’Hara. For women, a partner’s jealousy serves a multitude of purposes, not the least of which is letting them know they still ‘have it’ and somebody wants it. It also lets them know you’re paying attention and you care.” Not surprisingly, Dr. Major adds, “I am a strong advocate of feigned jealousy. I have used it personally and at times I’ve advised friends and patients to do the same.”

Dr. Haltzman points out, of course, that feigning jealousy (and expressing it) can have unforeseen consequences. “Some women worry that if a guy isn’t jealous, he might not care enough about her. Early in the courtship, she might use jealousy to get the man to pay more attention. If he seems disinterested, she’ll go off and talk to someone else and becomes a more ‘valuable’ partner because other people are attracted to her.” The trouble, Dr. Haltzman concludes, is that “if a woman is used to seeing jealousy as proof of attraction, she may worry when the jealousy disappears” — leading to a vicious cycle of jealousy and jealousy-provoking behavior. What’s the lesson in all of this? Tread carefully when feeling or expressing jealousy, but a little bit can be a good thing!
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(Bob Strauss is a freelance writer and children’s book author who lives in New York City. He’s also written the Dinosaur guide on About.com, the online information network owned by the New York Times.)