Just been knocked sideways from an unexpected place

[yy]

Before I comment some more, I will first like to say that whatever I will be saying next is not in personal response to any of the remarks made by anyone above; it simply reflects the same thoughts and concerns I very often feel whenever I come across discussions about drug abuse and abusers. My comments are also not meant in any way to attempt to sweep all the justifiable hurt feelings of those who have been let down under the carpet. They are only meant to reflect what I feel lots of times, have been missed in the by and large process of helping.

I think the points which are often missed in all the chaos of very understandably and very hurt feelings, disappointment and betrayal etc are often those relating to why the person started in drugs in the very first place. Because all too often, people don't suddenly get a thought out of the blue one day and tell themselves they want to try drugs. They say something like, they are bored, peer pressure and etc which are definitely true, they are not lying, BUT what is underneath the boredom and peer pressure? What is that something else underlying it? Feelings of covert emptiness, being lost, low self-doubt, low self-esteem, depression etc. These are not feelings people usually will want to cite as reasons why they first stray into drugs, especially if they are males and such comments seem to draw flake to their masulinity so it makes it kind of easier to say more offhandedly that, "Oh, one day I am with friends and they take drugs and I am curious and blah blah blah." etc. Alternately, the person does not have enough self awareness to realize the deeper underlying reason for his/her attempts in drugs.

Again, as explained earlier, I am not attempting to excuse drug use, and repeated drug use at that. Everyone of us here grapples with existential feelings of being lost and not knowing who we are etc at some points in life, differing only in degree and kind. What I am trying to say here when I mention that the point in exploring drug use is often lost is that until the deeper, underlying reason (which usually consists of intense emotions) for predisposing the person to take drug is addressed, acknowledged, understood and empathized with, and then therapeutically worked upon, explicitly at the person's conscious level, the person will not be able to find closure to his/her underlying problem and will continue to relapse into negative patterns of coping with it, be it drug use, sex addiction, food blinging etc. Generalizing it to Gor, he did not take drugs again or whatever for survival purposes because he had a good job here at Paknam Web. And also noteworthily, he had not taken drugs for survival-related purposes (e.g. street kid living it rough with no parents) on his very first attempt into drugs as a very young teenager. Therefore, I speculate he had taken drugs again and maybe more not for survival purposes cos it had never been the predisposing issue for him right from the start. I strongly suspect it has more to do with unresolved emotional and self-related issues from the past; the same issues which are associated with his first drug attempt and which remain unaddressed, unresolved.

The whole thing about repeated drug use is very complicated and many social scientists like social workers, counsellors, psychologists and psychiatrists have often found important relationships between firstly, the person's perception of the self e.g. how much they have come to believe themselves to be bad, unworthy of love or hopeless because significant others in the past, especially during the most formative years of their childhood, have implicitly and/or explicitly labelled them as such, and secondly, triggering factors in one's social environment. The first one set of factors is definitely more within the person's locus of control i.e. self-control, but it has to be said that very often, the rehabitation system does not do enough to tackle the underlying issue - helping them to help themselves is not to moddle-coddle them or to condemn them, but to get to the root of the issues related to their perception of the self. I really don't know if the Thai justice system is doing much of that, seeing that drug abuse is a growing serious problem in Thailand. The opposite poles of scolding/nagging and concerned advising just not to do it again are largely ineffective in a sense because they are only stroking the surface of the iceberg. The true, big problem remains to be understood and addressed, and is not easily resolved by well-intentioned scolding or advising.

Yes, Gor is luckier than most people, 100%. He has Richard and Paknam web and looks set to have everything to change over a new leaf. Gor does not seem to have any more cause for relapses into old ways. That said, neuroplasticity, the field of research increasingly paid attention to by mental health scientists in recent years, which relates to the mouldability of the human brains in reaction to effortful changes at rehabitation, in light of past physiological and/or psychological trauma, has something to say about it. Bad news is that, because neurons that fire together syn together, once certain negative self concepts have been internalized, there is increased risk of these concepts manifesting themselves into habitual cognitive behavioural expressions in response to triggering cues in the social environment (again, sadly, triggering cues are neuropsychobiological reactions which are largely biased by past experiences). This is what happens in their neural components for people to commonly say, "I know it's bad, but I just can't help it." Good news of neuroplasticity is that again, because neurons that fire together syn together, the 'faulty' self perceptions which are particularly negatively biased in reading cues and thus resulting in subsequent bad decisions, can be re-wired by effortful, conscious awareness within the person, such that he/she consciously know and experience knowing why they repeatedy do what they know are bad but seeminly unavoidable actions, plus specific cognitive strategies to rewire the neurons to fire and syn together in a new, positive pattern. Let's all make the re-wiring process easier, by campaiging for a better therapuetic plan, a better social environment for Thai youths to grow up and/or stay drug free, and by being understanding and supportive without being naively trusting.

[paul_au]

My guess Gor is like a son to Richard and I guess most of use regulars on this forum feel empathy towards Richard who in many ways has lost his son to drugs. For any Parent who has a wayward child no matter how bad that child is, no matter how disappointed that parent is, in that child, there is always some love towards that child and it takes some one extraordinary to forgive some one who has done you wrong. I would not for give an acquaintance or a stranger for doing me wrong, I'm not that extraordinary, but if it was my son I would still have to give some support even if it is just encouragement.
My guess Gor is going spend much longer in Jail for a second stint, I guess there are a lot of people on this forum who are disappointed in Gor's behaviour and have totally given up on him, I don't blame them. I don't think he will be forgotten. Even if we can't fogive Gor, all we can do for now is wish him luck in turning his life around.

[yy]

I guess we do have to be clear on certain things - it is the behaviour we find unforgiveable and/or deplorable, not the person himself/herself. I feel it makes a great deal of difference whether it is the wrongdoing or the person we say we find unacceptable. Cos the moment we start labellin the person or implying to the person that he/she is bad and etc and etc. sometimes it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Meaning we become what others say we will because the more we listen to it, the more we gradually become what is said of us. We humans are all social animals; we are all in some ways affected, consciously or subconsciously impacted by others' social expectations and opinions of us. Hilariously, I remember one study which showed that cockroaches run faster in a race when they are being watched by their peers than when they do it alone. Researchers speculate that the cockroaches run faster when being watched because they want to look good to their 'friends'; the social desirability factor. Food for thought about how this can be generalized to humans, and how much social factors influence our more complex emotionality.

This reminds me of something which pretty much leaves me in distraught. A year or so ago, I was on the CurrentTV.com video podcast tuning in to the reporter (the Chinese gal who was whisked off to North Korea from the Chinese borders, and created national tension some time back) at the American jail. She was asking three prisoners due to be released soon, "Do you think you will come back again?" All three of of them said no. Then, immediately after, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM, she pushed the mick to the prison officer and asked, "Do you think they will come back again?" The officer said nonchalantly, "Oh, I think this one will... this one will... this one won't."

Then, immediately, she asked each of them what they thought about what they heard the officer say. The eyes of the two who were said to be coming back hardened (or so it appeared to me!) and now agreed with what the officer said, saying things like they probably not too sure after all that they can make it out there and etc etc. What I mean is, is it even necessary to ask the officers things which are so sensitive like these in front of them?

At the end of the podcast, at least one of the two (a young guy who said his stepmother said she wasn't sure she wanted him back this time but that he could come back if he has nowhere else to go) came back again. Same offence as before - drugs, meth like Gor.

I really don't want to read too much into it; people can say he (that prisoner) had never worked hard at reforming. But I really don't know. It can be so many things. Including the officer's words which become prophecy-fulfiling. Put a self-confused, still hurting (from early past experiences), angry, low-esteemed young guy with those negative prophecy. My guess is that he will come back. Maybe (he felt) nobody ever believe in him as a person, so why should he believe in himself?

Wasn't particularly trying to make a statement. Just trying to narrate that who we are today (our personality and belief about the self) are often made up of layers and layers of our past significant relationships with others. I guess humans do have substantial freewill over their destiny, especially with the influx of new experiences, but unless those specific issues related to early significant relationships are addressed, many of our current new experiences will remain biasely interpreted through the shadows of our past.

In case anyone is interested in that podcast, it's on CurrentTv's Vanguard episode "Getting Out of Prison" dated 4th Dec 2008.

[yeows]

For anyone to turn around his life, I believe they need all the support they can get. Cutting off undesirable company is only the beginning. But they need their loved ones to fill in the vacuum or they will return to their old friends and the vicious cycle will repeat itself. It will take time and perhaps many failures and disappointments. The most heartening thing someone can ever wish for and get is for his loved ones to believe in him, to know that they still have hopes for him. I sincerely wish that Gor will be able to muster the courage and face life's challenges with tenacity and hope for a better future.

[kriswillems]

I have been following this story without commenting for several years. Without ever expecting it something similar has happened to somebody that was close to me. He's in jail for more one year now (for drugs/ice). He also had a daughter from a teenage relationship - about as old as Grace. We help looking after her. I understand you want to encourage Richard and others that have friends or family in a Thai jail, but it's important to stay in touch with reality. Once your life is wasted on drugs it's extremely hard to escape from that - especially in Thailand. Realising that, I wonder if it's a good thing that the guy I personally know will ever be released from jail (he has 2 more years to go), because I am almost sure he'll destroy the lives of the people that love him (especially his family) when he gets out. Because he was so close, I regularly go to see him in jail, even though I hate him for what he did and I think his life is wasted....