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Gifts and money related questions, what is accepted?
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  1. #1
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    Gifts and money related questions, what is accepted?

    Hi

    New on forum and i tried the search option but could not find any good thread so making my own. If i failed at searching please point me in the right direction.

    Background.

    Iv had a thai gf now for a few months and she was basicly living at my place untill her visa expired. I heard more times then i can count to be carefull and not get scammed with the classic "thai girls are only after your wallet". My problem is now the oposit. She is realy generous when it comes to her money and realy cheap when it comes to my money, even tho i make probably 5 times the amount she makes. If we are out on town and decide to eat in resturant i can't go to bathroom without her sneaking of picking up the bill and she is giving me gifts as often as she can but its very hard to be allowed to buy her something.

    Questions.

    1. Is my gf a realy unique for a thai girl or is this common?
    2. I dont whant to be a sugger daddy but i do whant to be able to buy her small gifts and take our out for supprices without having any other reason then making her happy. Does thai ppl look differently at this from a cultural perspectiv then western people?
    3. Is there something i realy shouldn't give her or take her out for/pay for from a cultural point of view?

    We agree on everything but money and in this case its me spending money on her that we cant agree on.

    // Krossar

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    Re: Gifts and money related questions, what is accepted?

    What's your problem, it's the woman who don't pay who are the problem. You've got no problem, you have a normal woman and not a bloodger, it's the 21st century now and woman are expected to pay, that's normal, it's only the abnormal selfish ones who use out dated cultural issues to exploit men for money. Remember the exploitative Thai woman that go out with western or more affluent men usually do so to get a free ride and a free meal ticket, but when these same woman go out with there own kind, they would not get away with such extortion, Next time you go to the restaurant just tell her it's your turn this time, she can pay the time after that. I really can't understand why some men get embarrassed about woman paying, you don't owe her a gift, I'm shore you don't have to go to the toilet every time the bill is about to come along. I my self have always just preferred to split the bill. If you decide to buy a gift for a going away present when her visa runs out, get her something that is uniquely from your country, In Australia it maybe something like an Australian made Akubra hat.
    The answer to your 3 question relate to Thai culture. What Thai culture is today is different to Thai culture 50 years ago, things have changed, don't let people explain things to you which are traditional Thai culture, the reality is today is modern Thai culture, which has grown to be more western than traditional Thai culture.
    Modern Thai culture has given woman equal rights, most importantly equal rights to an education, in fact more than 60% of students in Thai universities are woman, this means woman in Thailand quite often earn more money than there Thai male counterparts, this means Thai woman are financially independent, with equal financial independence comes equal financial responsibility, with equal financial responsibility mean men have an equal opportunity to be romanced by woman, something many woman fail to realize, men would enjoy, selfish one sided romance is unacceptable to me personally, so you have no issue with modern Thai culture, just get over your out date issue of woman taking financial responsibility for there own well being.

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    Re: Gifts and money related questions, what is accepted?

    HI

    take eveything Paul say's with a grain of salt as he is a misogynist.

    Your post leaves a lot of questions to be asked Is your new GF living with you now or is she back in thailand you mentioned her visa expired. If she was living with you and you were paying all the bills then she may just want to help out when she can so she doesn't feel she is bought and payed for.
    or maybe she is not that into you and doesn't want to be indebted to you

    look at it this way she is just a woman who happens to be Thai treat her like you would any other woman but with a little more baggage
    true there will be cultural difference but nothing huge or that drastic .

    I have found those who have been burned by the few bad thai women "bar girls" post much more than us who have warm loveing thai wives in long term relationships.

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    Re: Gifts and money related questions, what is accepted?

    Quote Originally Posted by Krossar View Post
    Hi

    Questions.

    1. Is my gf a realy unique for a thai girl or is this common?
    Yes, it's kind of unique, though I have Thai female friends who, when we go out, are fast in picking up the bill. But that's probably because I am their guest and it's an all-girl affair. (I am not Thai, and by my name you can probably guess that I am also female.)

    Recently I had an opportunity to ask a handful of Thai women about who should pay when they go out to entertain a foreign male visitor-- like to show him around, watch a movie or go out for meals. It might be significant to mention that all are educated metropolis-based professionals. They said they'd prefer to split the bill, or shoulder part of the expenses. Something like if the guy pays for the meals, they would pay for the transport or for the movie or for the entrance fees in the places they visit. Also, they would insist to pay for the last meal. ( I forgot to get the reason for this.) But it's not like what your gf does, which is pay for everything!

    2. I dont whant to be a sugger daddy but i do whant to be able to buy her small gifts and take our out for supprices without having any other reason then making her happy. Does thai ppl look differently at this from a cultural perspectiv then western people?
    I see that as a thoughtful gesture. I can't think of any reason why anybody from any culture would frown on it. An individual who cares for someone would naturally want to please the object of their affection.

    3. Is there something i realy shouldn't give her or take her out for from a cultural point of view?
    I'd leave the first part to "experts" to answer. But for the second part, common sense tells me to avoid taking her to places which might compromise any woman's decent reputation.

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    Re: Gifts and money related questions, what is accepted?

    Paul, simply out of curiosity, I wonder what you think about the extreme end of which some men accuse their female friend of "using them" when they have been out on a few times on strictly "go-Dutch", public transport (read:the guy is not driving the 'she' around) dates and the female turns down his eventual proposal to be his girlfriend? The outings may have come about because the guy says he is feeling bored with nothing to do and/or either could have simply casually suggested the other to go out with him or her.

    What I'm trying to say is; you as a man have seen the worst of some females. We, females, similarly, have seen the worst of some males. Yet it does not mean all females and males are mostly like the worst.

    The new year is coming soon; new year, new positive changes in life. Perhaps it's time to think about restructuring one's mental representations of the opposite sex - the seeming singular population of the opposite sex with all its complex diversity of individual differences, and yet acknowledging and being constantly mindful that there are indeed gold-diggers around. Good luck.
    Last edited by yy; 19-12-11 at 01:15 PM.
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    Re: Gifts and money related questions, what is accepted?

    What I'm trying to say is; you as a man have seen the worst of some females. We, females, similarly, have seen the worst of some males. Yet it does not mean all females and males are mostly like the worst.

    I agree with this comment of YY.

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    Re: Gifts and money related questions, what is accepted?

    I think gifts is more appropriate giving to a woman,if you love her and respect her you can give her everthing without regret.in my perspective even now is 21 century,women are getting education higher and independence with the financial but not the whole,in SEAC there're lots of women are unemployment,not in America or Australia,or in Europe.I have seen women are called to ask money from their sugar daddy,even they have income.If you trully love somebody you won't care about this little stuff,you even can effort to buy the"diamond" for her. As in a story of richest Tawanese businessman fallen inlove with secretary of Manhattan bank,he fell his knees and ask her to marry with the condition the lady asked for"seventy five carat diamond ring,with a matching two hundred carat diamond tiara",the Tawanese was nod his head agreed to the lady.After when the secretary of Preseden Mahattan realizing that her first condition was too easy,she told him the second condition"Is a one hundred room mansion in New York,as a vecation home,I want a chateau buolt in middle of Gironde in France".The businessman whips out his cellular phone,calls some broker in New York,then he calls some real estate agent in France.He looks at the woman,nods his head and says,"Okay,Okay.I build,I build."...this is not base on the true story but in the joke...xxxx (deleted by Moderator)
    Last edited by Marie; 19-12-11 at 02:09 PM. Reason: No vulgar jokes here, pls

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    Re: Gifts and money related questions, what is accepted?

    Sorry if you considered as inappropriate.

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    Re: Gifts and money related questions, what is accepted?

    Quote Originally Posted by yy View Post
    Paul, simply out of curiosity,
    Basically, I treat every one fairly and equitably, My thinking is purely based on rationalistic practicality based on reality, I'm not influenced by cultural irrationality or superstitious beliefs. If a woman treats me like a free meal ticket, I will come down on her like a ton of bricks and give her nothing, if she treats me with respect, that means opens her purse and showing genuine affection. I will open my wallet and kiss her, I will even share my multi million dollar house for the evening for free. If she really wants a lot of excitement I will even take her down the free way at 260 kilometers per hour in my "Bathurst A9X SS Torana".
    Last edited by paul_au; 19-12-11 at 08:07 PM.

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    Re: Gifts and money related questions, what is accepted?

    First of all id like to thank you all for the replies. Ill try and answer/clearify everything in some kind of order.

    @ paul_au

    Im not saying i dont whant her to pay ever or that i dont think its okey that she pays half the time. My problem is that she wants to pay every time even when its me taking her out.
    I dont go to the bathroom each time its time to pay it was just an exampl.That time i had been very clear i was taking her for lunch and wanted to pay. Wile i whent to bathroom she whent and payed anyways.

    @ khonrai

    She was visiting my country on a turist visa to be with friends she has here. I meet her and we started talking, one thing led to another and she ended up living in my appartment rest of her stay. To be clear i had never seen or heard about her before i meet her for the first time.
    Her visa expired and she is now home in thailand. Plan is for her to move to me when she can get a more permenent visa. She was living with me for 1.5-2 months and during that time she probably bought 60-70% of the food. I dont think she feels she is getting bought but i know she has extream pride in been able to take care of herself and support herself.
    When i first meet her i had no clue at all how thai people are. Iv tried to treat her like i would any local girl with the difference that i try show her more of my way of life since its different and new and hopefully fun for her. (Same way as she only cooked thai food for me)

    @ Marie

    I didn't know about the pay for last meal part and it was something i realy didn't expect. For there rest it sounds like a modern good western girl. Respect and equality. I'm not a fan of splitting the check cause it feels cheap tho i think splitting overall costs are fair.
    Sounds like I won't do any big cultural missteps if I act like I would with local girls.
    "compromise any woman's decent reputation." I wouldn't treat her any less then any other gf so that part will be fine.

    @ Mahindrasarath

    I haven't meet anyone that dont enjoy a gift in the past as long as it is not obvius its to big gift.



    Im not cheap Charlie and im not a sugger daddy. My thoughts on a relation ship is that you split costs and you split work. It dont have to be exactly 50-50 but so it fits everyone. I think its best in the long run for everyone. My questions and thoughts in this thread is mainly cause of inexperience with the thai culture and people and i don't whant to make big misstakes cause i didn't try learn enuff.

    EDIT. Im new to all with Thai never even been to Thailand (will be sorted realy soon) but im starting to feel i will get to know Thailand and the thai ppl alot in future so I should start to prepair, you can only make a first impression once. /EDIT
    Last edited by Krossar; 19-12-11 at 10:46 PM.

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