The "Only for a Laugh" Joke Thread :-)

[Wolfy]

Two clever nuns -


There were two nuns

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past
thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to make love to us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most!
What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

A little while later...

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing.
He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.


Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what
has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,
so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I
could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster
than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

Say two Hail Marys!

[Wolfy]

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, " Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please ?

The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed.

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'

The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down

The next night there is standing room only in the pub.

Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.

The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman,

The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties...'

The rabbit looks aghast.

The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'

The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent..

The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.'

'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.

He then waves to the crowd and leaves....

NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

-----
One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.

When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar..

The barman says, 'Who are you?',

To which he is answered,

'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'

The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.

You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'

The rabbit says, 'Yes I know..'

The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'

The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.

The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'

'I DIED', said the rabbit.

'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'

After a short pause, the rabbit said...






'Mixin-me-toasties.'

[hoistman]

Tracy and Fred are in the bathroom ... Fred is in the bath and Tracy is just about to step into the shower ... When there is a knock at the front door ... See who that is Tracy ... Say's Fred ... Reluctant to get out of the bath ...
So Tracy puts a towel round her and see's who is at the door ... When she opens the door .. Standing there is Harry from next door ... Holding a wedge of banknotes in his hand. Harry say's to Tracy .... If you drop that towel I'll give you this 800 pounds !!! Tracy thinks for a second ... And thinks why not ? So she drops the towel ... Grabs the money and shuts the door. She puts the money in here handbag ... And is really happy at the quick money making exercise. When she gets back in the bathroom, Fred asks who was at the door ? Oh ... It was only Harry from next door ....
Ok says Fred .... By the way ... He didn't mention the 800 pounds I lent him !!!!

[djaidee]

For all who didn't understand the Joke in Post #2, because there Mother Language isn't English (like me), I did some Research:

Mixing-me-toasties AKA Myxomatosis (from the Greek μύξα (mucus), and ματώνω (to bleed)) is a disease which infects only rabbits. It is caused by the myxoma virus. First observed in Uruguay in the early 1900s, it was deliberately introduced into Australia in an attempt to control rabbit infestation there.

Also have a look at this Link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myxomatosis

[fileeep]

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.
Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."

"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.
In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."

The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" said the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?
This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught.

[yy]

Real-life Stuff (maybe it's not funny at all)...

Me: This year, are you going song khram?

Thai Friend: (eyes widen, turns silent)

Me: The Thai Water Festival is a big thing in my country, we all know about it.

Thai Friend: (suddenly bursts out laughing) Yes, yes, we have the Water Festival, but I don't want to go to war this year. Next time, just pronounce it in English hahaha

Morale of story: Song Khram (one intonation) = water festival, Song Khram (another intonation) = war

[guava]

Morale of story: Song Khram (one intonation) = water festival, Song Khram (another intonation) = war

Song Khran (สงกรานต์) = water festival, , Song Khram (สงคราม) = war

[yy]

That explains, Guava, hahaha...

[hoistman]

OK yy ... I have a real life story as well ...

My parents ... Many years ago went to our local theater to see a (at the time) famous magician called Paul Daniels ... He was quite big in the UK ... His wife Debbie Magee was his assistant.

So my parents had front row seats and were enjoying the show ... At this point Paul Daniels asked for a volunteer with a nice watch ... Now my dad was wearing a gold watch he'd received for his long service at his place of work ... So he puts his hand up ... And is led onto the stage by Debbie Magee.
He hands over the watch and Paul Daniels puts it into a small sack type bag ... Places it on the table and proceeds to hit it with a hammer !!!
My dad is horrified ... And Paul Daniels says "sorry about that" ... Puts the bag in his pocket ... And my dad is led back to his seat ...
Nothing more is said ... The show goes on ... Even to the point were the show is finishing ... Then suddenly Paul Daniels says .. "Oh nearly forgot" .... He calls my dad back up onto the stage ... And Debbie Magee walks on carrying a tray full of jam donuts (cakes) My dad told me there must have been 25 donuts on the tray ... "Pick any one" ... he is told ... So he pulls one out from the center .... Paul Daniels says .... "Open it up and show the audience" ... So my dad opens the donut ... And what's inside ? .... Yes you've guessed it
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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....... JAM ........ LOL ...... The watch had been slipped into my dad's pocket !!!!

[yy]

That's a good one, Hoistman 55555 ^^