The "Only for a Laugh" Joke Thread :-)

[woollyback]

Susana. Even though you don't read the name of a poster properly. I am a strong character, and face my cancer with determination. The one thing that does get me down is sympathy and or pity, and reassurance. Having humour in adversity is a great gift. Having tumour in adversity is a pain. (See, a joke. Ha Ha.) For anyone from the US tumour is spelt tumor only in American spelling.

PS Sorry Guava. Thought you were having a go at Hoistman. My mistake.

Back on topic please. This is "only for a laugh" thread. sorry if I let 'unnecessary' comments let me distract it. More jokes please.

[hoistman]

Occasionally I speak out about something I feel strongly about.
Sometimes it's a good idea and sometimes it's not.

Don't worry about it Susana ... We all sometimes have a ..... (Look what you started guava)

[deland]

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[Robski]

How good was that Alzheimer's joke I told you yesterday...?

[deland]

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[yy]

I think this thread can increase our lifespan by at least another 5 years 555

[Mahindrasarath]

Just Look at You!
A businessman telephoned home from his office one day to ask his wife question. She told him that he had picked a bad time to phone as she had been taking a bath. Infact, she had come to the phone dripping wet and hadn't even taken time to pick up the towel.

Ofcourse the husband said he was sorry for causing his wife so much trouble, got the answer to his question, and quickly hung up so that his wife could finish her bath. However, as soon as he had hung up, he started dialing his home number again, called one of his friend over, and told him what to say. When the dripping wife picked up the phone, the friend said, " Say, Marge, this is Bill, and I.....Oh, just look at you, put something on before you catch a cold!" Marge screamed, and the phone went flying through the air.

[Wolfy]

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous
redhead sitting at the next table...He had been checking her out since
he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket
towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the
air, and handed it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in
place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to
the theatre followed by drinks... They talked, they laughed, she
shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with
interest.

The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!

'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.. Are you this nice to
every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. . ..





Wait for it ... ....





It's coming ..... .....





The suspense is killing you, isn't it?





She said ... ... :









'You just happened to catch my eye.'

[hoistman]

A group of factory workers are working overtime on a Saturday when one of the group say's ... "The boss has just left ... So we can sneak off early." So sure enough they all sneak off home ... One guy gets home and see's his bosses car outside. Strange he thinks, and he has a look through the window of his home .... Only to discover his boss making love to his wife !!!

The following Saturday ... The boss leaves early ... And the group of workers get together ... One of them say's, "Come on .. Give it 5 minutes and we can sneak off again."
"I'm not," calls out one man. 'I was lucky last week ..... I nearly got caught."

[Mahindrasarath]

Captive Audience
Larry, a bank robber, had just arrived at the prison where he would spend the next twenty years. He was put into a cell with Al, who had been in the prison for several years. Al was very friendly and explained prison lifd to Larry. One evening after dinner Larry got a supprise.
"Thirty four!" Shouted a man in the next cell. Everyone laughed. "Twenty-seven!" shouted someone else. More laughter. "Sixty-three!" Cried another. Again laughter.
Larry asked Al what was goin on." Oh, they're telling jokes," said Al, "but everybody's been here so long they have memorized all the jokes and given each one a number. To save time, they just call out the number of the joke. Then everybody remember and laughs".
"Sounds like fun" said Larry." Can I try it?"
"Sure, why not. Go ahead", answered Al.
"Eghty-nine" shouted Larry, There was complete silence."79",he tried again. And again was silence. Larry tried a few more number but with the same result. He couldn't understand, so he turned to Al. " What am I ding wrong?" He wanted to know.
"Well" answered Al, "Some people how to tell a joke but some don't".