How much Older?

[Susana]

You were so very right to take your time about this, YY. I hope all goes well for you.

[yy]

Susana, your Aunt Joy's story is nice and heartwarming, as it has a happy ending. May they continue to enjoy marital bliss for many more years to come.

Hoistman, you are right that life does indeed have both its dark and bright sides... Although it's good news that we get to choose how we want it to be.

[hoistman]

yy .... I have been on both sides ... The dark side was when my wife decided to end our marriage and did something I can't even bring myself to write about even now ... This was the same week my Father passed away ... So in that month I went from what I thought was a happy marriage ... A nice house, and a Father I was very close to. Then I found myself in a little rented flat ... And lost my Father ... So I've been to the very bottom ... I didn't choose that path yy ... I was put there. I feel very lucky to have what I have today ... But I think it certainly leaves a mark on you ... I know I'm not the same person I was before all that happened. But you come across as a very sweet person yy ... So I'm sure you will find your Mr Right ...

[yy]

Thanks Hoistman, I hope that one day you can come around to writing about it and then letting it all go.

I'm back but nothing is resolved.

[yy]

Thanks Susana and Hoistman for your kind support last night. I managed to be more firm today with him, he has accepted it, and the matter is now resolved. Still feeling a bit of a kind of interpersonal trauma, like I have never really known this friend all these while. But it's ok, we are still friends. Life goes on...

Ok, back to the original topic, if anyone is still interested...

I have an Aussie girlfriend who's single (she's in her 40s), and who once said to me that she doesn't mind being in a relationship with a much younger guy (i.e. guys in their 30s), but will be pretty mindful if they are in their 20s as the latter group is not so much interested in having a proper relationship with her, than "getting under her skirt". That said, she does not rule out the possibility that there are sincere guys in their 20s who may be willing to be together with her. I think reading this thread sort of confirms that indeed there are such people and such opportunities out there for couples with a more vast age difference, when it comes to the girl who is the older one.

Anyone with any thoughts about what's the telling signs to differentiate the sincere younger guys from the not-so-decent-minded ones? (This time, no hidden agenda in posing this question)...

[Susana]

YY, I'm glad you were able to resolve the situation and still remain friends. To me that is just another point in favor of taking one's time getting to know someone before entering into a serious relationship. So, it is just another of life's experiences with no harm done, and you still have a friend. That's all good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't have any words of wisdom for your friend.

When she says she would not mind having a relationship with a younger man I assume she means that if in the course of meeting people one just happens to be a younger man with whom she feels a connection, she might get to know him better. This, of course, is not the same as saying she specifically would like a relationship with a younger person.

I suppose it would be a good idea to spend some time with his friends, and if that goes well next time she can mix in some of her friends for a get-together. That could be a real eye opener, or it could be a confirmation of the best kind. Just a thought.

[yy]

YY, I'm glad you were able to resolve the situation and still remain friends. To me that is just another point in favor of taking one's time getting to know someone before entering into a serious relationship. So, it is just another of life's experiences with no harm done, and you still have a friend. That's all good.

Susana, actually after posting the very first post in this thread within the same day, it got to that he asked me to be his GF again and I agreed cos he appeared so sincere and convincing (we had a pretty long discussion about our religions and cultures, what it will entail, and so on, before I said yes). Then as soon as I agreed, it almost immediately became a horror story when "new information" which I never knew before started coming in e.g. that his parents have always wanted to arrange a wife for him and that they will probably do so next year (they have already spoken to him recently), and that he repeatedly said he will not know what to say to them when the time comes (i.e. that he will be unsure that he will tell them we are both in a relationship and to object to the arranged marriage). There are more things which only came up after I said yes, but I think the above sort of captures very well the entire essence of the deceit.

I'm glad he is honest up to this point. I'm even more glad that I got out of it within 24hours. I think this must be my shortest relationship ever. I'm certainly not proud of breaking my own record. I can't say nobody is hurt, cos there is something inside of me that does feel the pain, the betrayal. What has made it worse is that I have always thought of him much like a good friend. I have always thought he cares for me, my welfare, my feelings as a person and as a friend, and that he is a kind and helpful person to everyone. So it is totally shocking that there is that dimension to him that I have never known about before. N it is totally scary how people can conceal their hidden agenda and not-so-positive aspect of their values, beliefs and personality so well. Sometimes I wonder who are the people around us whom we can still trust. I still like to think not all guys from his country are like that, but after reading and listening to so much stereotypical stories about Middle Eastern guys' dating ways from as long as I can remember (which I have never believed), and then now this, I do think I am a tad warier (or should I say, mindful?) when another guy from his culture tries to date me. Especially after another guy from his country has once said something very stereotypical and not-at-all-positive about Aussie gals' relationship trends, which I do not feel the need to repeat here, cos it is just offensive.

As one of my other Middle Eastern friends put so aptly about his own situation, "I think I shall just stick to dating someone from my own culture from now on, it just makes it so much easier to understand." Yes, I now concede that it is much easier to get the 1st warning signs when we are all from the same culture.

[hoistman]

yy .... I love reading your posts ... Always honest and you have an endearing quality about you. Not to labour the point ... But you will meet a man who is right for you ... Now I think you should start a thread based on the shortest relationship .. I have a an experience I might share ... But would like to hear some others first.

[Wolfy]

I'm a nifty Fifty with a young outlook on life. My Thai Girlfriend is 30 this year. Thats a 20 year age gap. I couldn't possibly imagine going the other way and having a 70 year old "girlfriend". No chance whatsoever.

Here's Mai's mom (on the left) with some of the "old" alcoholic ladies in the Village, they all love me but that's because i buy them a bottle of c-sip (Lao Khao) every day. Not one of them is over 70 !!!
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[djaidee]

Hi yy,

I might have misread/misinterpretated some of your older Posts - am I right that you are originally from Singapore and that you are Buddhist?

Are you currently living/working in Australia?