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Thread: How much Older?

  1. #21
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    Re: How much Older?

    Quote Originally Posted by djaidee View Post
    Hi yy,

    I might have misread/misinterpretated some of your older Posts - am I right that you are originally from Singapore and that you are Buddhist?

    Are you currently living/working in Australia?
    Hi Djaidee,

    I will answer your questions in a PM later in the day as I happen to be going out soon
    Sleep, little one, close your eyes, mother will sing you a lullaby... Sleep in a jewel cradle, sleep, mother will rock you.
    If you don't sleep the midges will go for your eyes and pollen will fall on the cradle....Sleep, close your eyes...
    - Isaan folksong, from "The Price of a Life" (Onkom, 1997)

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    djaidee (20-03-12)

  3. #22
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    Re: How much Older?

    ...Anyhow, the two of us got back together again very recently and he promised to speak to his parents about us very soon. I really don't know what this is leading to next e.g. will he really speak to his parents, will he really tell me the truth about what they say (I mean I can't understand their native language), and also will he really stand by our relationship if they strongly object etc. However, this lifetime only comes around once and I will like to give hope a shot as far as I can. Hope it's not in vain.

    N thank you so much to one of our forumers who has been providing priceless support and advice all these while; I really appreciate it so much.
    Last edited by yy; 16-04-12 at 09:43 AM.
    Sleep, little one, close your eyes, mother will sing you a lullaby... Sleep in a jewel cradle, sleep, mother will rock you.
    If you don't sleep the midges will go for your eyes and pollen will fall on the cradle....Sleep, close your eyes...
    - Isaan folksong, from "The Price of a Life" (Onkom, 1997)

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to yy For This Useful Post:

    djaidee (16-04-12)

  5. #23
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    Re: How much Older?

    Quote Originally Posted by yy View Post
    ...Anyhow, the two of us got back together again very recently and he promised to speak to his parents about us very soon. I really don't know what this is leading to next e.g. will he really speak to his parents, will he really tell me the truth about what they say (I mean I can't understand their native language), and also will he really stand by our relationship if they strongly object etc. However, this lifetime only comes around once and I will like to give hope a shot as far as I can. Hope it's not in vain.
    .
    To start with, I think three years age gap is insignificant. The emotional maturity of a person counts more.

    I'd say give this relationship a chance. I don't believe there's any perfect situation where everything falls in the right place. It is remarkable though that you are approaching things with open eyes. Now after giving it your best shot and things don't work, then be realistic and do what you think is best. But don't give up without trying first, for it is more difficult in the future to be tortured by "what if" thoughts.

    All the best!

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    Re: How much Older?

    I hope all works out well for you, YY.

  7. #25
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    Re: How much Older?

    Thanks ladies.

    Some mornings, I wake up hell-bent on ending the relationship. But then when he contacts me, my resolution bends. I just don't know how to end the relationship while having to see him every single day and explain to all our mutual closer friends what's going on!

    Frankly, I don't quite believe he is going really to speak to his parents the way he said he will or I think he will, but then when I met with him, my convinction all changes. What's wrong with me this time? I also don't believe that none of his ex has ever asked him to speak to his parents before. There was one time when he said he did speak of that to his parents, but now, he's insisting he did not, that it was cos they thought he was seeing a gal from their culture whom they did not arrange for him to be with. He might have been lying to me about lots other important stuff, just to keep me interested in wanting to continue with him til I finish my studies. Or he might have told me the 'lie' i just mentioned cos at that time, he just did not want me to keep on asking him to speak to his parents (he first told me vaguely that he had spoken to his parents before about his ex when we had first broken up the first time some weeks ago during my 1st few posts, and I was asking him if he could speak to his parents about us to check out what they feel, and it was then that he told me he had done so with an ex from his same culture and their response was even then not too good). I really don't know. I just know how I wish I have not moved into this house. Then the break-up will be so much easier.

    I mean, we have been together for barely a week in total. Sure, I had cried in front of him telling him how much I like him and why I can't understand why I would never be accepted into his family before the night when he finally said he would speak to his parents about us. But even with that, is that realistically enough grounds that he would be swayed into speaking to his parents about us, for him to suddenly be so committed to our relationship and to like me so much in such a short space of time to change his mind enough to do that? Yesterday, I spoke to him again and asked him what changed his mind, he repeatedly said he did not know. Until I asked him outright if that's cos he likes me, then he smiled and said, of course, that's the reason. Then why can't he say it? N las night, when I kept on asking him if he would now promise to say no to a really suitable gal his parents would arrange for him, for the first time, he said it is difficult question, but yes, he now would. Then again, I'm not sure if he was just trying to calm me down to do meet my deadline of a very important task. I can't say he is bad, cos he has recently got very expliicitly concerned that I am losing time and concentration on my academics tasks cos I am too anxious about what's going on with us. I guess if I were to break up with him, I am too terrified of losing not only my BF, but also my best guyfriend (him), and also not belonging to our closer social circle anymore.

    Someone, tell me please, that I am a fool. Wake me up... Suddenly, I think I miss a slice of Paul's rambling (but not that in a gender/racial discriminating way) LOL.
    Last edited by yy; 17-04-12 at 09:05 AM.
    Sleep, little one, close your eyes, mother will sing you a lullaby... Sleep in a jewel cradle, sleep, mother will rock you.
    If you don't sleep the midges will go for your eyes and pollen will fall on the cradle....Sleep, close your eyes...
    - Isaan folksong, from "The Price of a Life" (Onkom, 1997)

  8. #26
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    Re: How much Older?

    Hello yy I'm just reading to your post recently, I'm not pretend to know everything.Meanwhile we're from different culture I have a priceless advise for you, be awareness to associate with a boy that's age younger gap between yours too much, I remember I had many friends including myself, I wanted to have gal friend but I didn't mature as a man enough to take responsible of anythings I thought for fun and want show to other guys around "I'm cool" so I wasn't lucky to have any gf if I have had just for awhile than I chose others. Are you want to have BF that already passed 100 gals before he has money,materialism,and looks good, he's seems not discriminated to any gals, but he's "Chao Choo" gals hunter ? The boys around your boyfriend's age is very young he still has many choises. I think your relationship just be a friend is better!
    I want to add little bit I'm older than my wife for 6 yrs, but sometime my attitude is younger than my ages so i need to get the advise from my y and others frequently.

    I think sometime comments by Paul are aroused me awaken and sober, even it's sounds little bit as offensive sometime.It's really made us headaches to live under mixture complicates cultures which are ppl accepts everything without rule,principle, or morale,it's also made me painful to see other can do everything but I couldn't "it's jealousy". But we have to overcome all of the millions temptation infront of us. Human are fickle so please listen to your conscience and decide to do what's right, sometime we can fall but just get up and keeping move forward. I'm wishing for you to meet with a right man!!!
    Last edited by Mahindrasarath; 17-04-12 at 11:12 AM.

  9. #27
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    Re: How much Older?

    Mahin, actually I wasn't looking for a partner at this point in time but then I met him and it just felt so different. There has been other guys here in OZ (who probably may have been more suitable for me) who have wanted me to go into a relationship with them but I just did not feel like I want to. Maybe something is wrong with me

    Do you really think he is too young? He's turning 30 in a couple of years or so.

    His behaviour to me feels so genuine lately since we last patched back a few days ago that I have difficulty going ahead to just break up with him like that. Like Marie mentioned earlier, there's those "what ifs" which I do not want to live with for the rest of my life. Yet, there's also the part of me that feels maybe he does need me but his emotional needs for me at this point is just to fill up that temporary emptiness and isolation of living away from home in a culture very different from his native one. N tat he's also hoping to show our relationship off as a sort of trophy to his friends from his country but who are here in this country, cos dating is frowned upon legally back home. That said, he has lived abroad for several years in an Asian country and has had other GFs before.

    I don't know if his rarity in initiation about his own feelings about our relationship is because he came from a Middle Eastern culture where men don't usually speak like that to a woman, or cos he simply doesnt give much serious thought to our relationship. When we do speak about it, it's always because I ask him about his willingness to cancel any future arranged marriage for my sake. There's only one other time when he initiated talking about how he felt. It occurred a few days before we got back together again. Prior to that, we don't speak much to each other anymore, and if we do, it is always very casual. That night, he was asking me about something along the line of why I still seem to mind that other gals may want to be closer with him cos we are not together anymore. Then he said that earlier that night, he had felt jealous that one of his farang acquaintances who just got to know me that night (we were in a social gathering with many others) kept on wanting to talk to me, but he could not tell him not to do so cos we were not BF and GF anymore. That was the most he ever expressed himself. He has told me before that he likes me very much, but often it seems it's like only after I said the same to him first.

    Yet, I also read online before that the Middle Eastern culture (meaning his country) he came from is a comparatively more open-minded one than the others in that region.
    Last edited by yy; 17-04-12 at 12:01 PM.
    Sleep, little one, close your eyes, mother will sing you a lullaby... Sleep in a jewel cradle, sleep, mother will rock you.
    If you don't sleep the midges will go for your eyes and pollen will fall on the cradle....Sleep, close your eyes...
    - Isaan folksong, from "The Price of a Life" (Onkom, 1997)

  10. #28
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    Re: How much Older?


    Thanks for clarify me and sharing bout your story. I got married when I was 29 and now it's almost our 4 yrs anniversary.

  11. #29
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    Re: How much Older?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mahindrasarath View Post

    I got married when I was 29 and now it's almost our 4 yrs anniversary.
    That is why his parents are talking to him more about getting a wife for him now.

    However, his older friends (older by a couple of years or so) are still not married.
    Sleep, little one, close your eyes, mother will sing you a lullaby... Sleep in a jewel cradle, sleep, mother will rock you.
    If you don't sleep the midges will go for your eyes and pollen will fall on the cradle....Sleep, close your eyes...
    - Isaan folksong, from "The Price of a Life" (Onkom, 1997)

  12. #30
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    Re: How much Older?

    What would be the consequences concerning his relationship with his family if he were to refuse to marry his parent's choice for him, and marry someone from a different culture?

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