Dating Thai Girl in UK - Relationship vs Family

[Curt]

Do you know the family that she stays with? If she takes you to meet them, that's a step in itself. You then need to make a connection with them, get good reports going back to Thailand, and gradually make yourself a trusted presence in your girlfriend's life.

I met my wife, Thai, through her cousin, a man I had known for many, many years. I was so "in" with this man that I was his daughter's godfather.

Well, as my relationship with his cousin progressed, and her mother - his cousin - disapproved, my long time friend went all "cultural" on me and tried to get me to end the relationship!

Good luck on working you way into a position of trust!

[Susana]

If I understand correctly, she is staying with family in England, but not her parents.

The family she is staying with are responsible for her and also feel responsible to her family in Thailand. The whole family relationship is at stake here with her behavior (or perceived behavior) and how well the family in England protects her and relates with the family in Thailand. It's more complicated than just the two of you.

I believe she is behaving very responsibly. She seems to know what her priorities and responsibilities are. Would you want anyone any less responsible? If you feel she is the ONE for you, then you should let her set the pace. If you are uncertain of her feelings for you, then perhaps you should ask her. If you cannot communicate about this, then that is another problem.

Best wishes.

[JamieJ]

It's definitely very different to the UK, where parents would be happy so long as their daughters are happy and they got a lot more independence it seems.

You are very right about her being under a lot of pressure, she is always under a huge amount of pressure from them.

[paul_au]

Well it seems to me you want a girlfriend with intimacy that you can spend time with. These two things you are not getting which has made you understandably unsatisfied. I would be telling her these two things are essential to you in a relationship and if she is not willing to commit to what you consider as needs in a reasonable relationship you need to tell her you will be moving on. There are plenty of fish in the sea that will give you what you want in a relationship, why put up with second best, I personally would be moving on.

[Tod-Daniels]

Well, if the family in Thailand is footing the bill for her to get an education in the UK, they're more than "middle class" here. Upper middle class or lower upper class Thais are some of the stuffiest, most xenophobic, most full of themselves Thais I’ve ever met here. I’d put them almost in the “my sh*t doesn’t stink” category of people. So that could factor into it too. They might already have some grand plan for their daughter once she wings her way back here with a degree in hand, and a foreigner in the mix is NOT what they had envisioned for her.

As was previously pointed out, the family she's with in the UK is under some obligation to the "real family" in Thailand to “run herd” on her to one degree or another. This would lead me to believe she has to take into account two families’ views on things where her actions are concerned.

I wouldn't waste two seconds on what the family in Thailand thinks of you right now. They're more than a few miles away. It is my experience that being far from Thailand allows the brainwashing which goes on here under the guise of "thai culture" to begin to wear off with time.

While I'm sure this isn't what you're wanting to hear; I'd take it slow, value the time you spend together and just see where it goes.

You're near each other in age, in socio-economic status and in education. I'd just bide my time with her, and see where it goes. Granted that may not be the course of action you're wanting, seeing as you seem awfully keen to have her spend the nite. However, it's the safest course of action which will yield the best return on investment even if the objective is slow to come to fruition.

You’re young, and it’s my experience that young people the world over “know everything” already. It takes many years of living life to find out just how much you don’t know. All the advice given you is just that, someone else’s perspective, and at the end of the day, only you can decide what to do.

Good luck. .

[paul_au]

The family is probably discouraging her to marry a foreigner, If you were Thai it would be a whole new ball game. She does not give you much time, that gives you plenty of time to go out with other girls, so when you find one give her the flick, you deserve to be treated better, she's just playing it slow until a better option passes her way. In the meantime make shore she is paying her own way when your out with her.

[aardvark]

If the relationship is important to you then I would take it slow. Some people wait a long time before committing physically and that is a personal thing (and maybe a cultural thing). If you respect your girlfriend then try and understand her feelings and thoughts. You're feelings and thoughts are of course important and you may decide you can't wait or don't want to. IMHO if you feel like this then maybe you don't have the relationship you think you do.

Just my 2 baht worth

[paul_au]

Some people wait a long time before committing physically and that is a personal thing (and maybe a cultural thing).

The people who wait more often than not are being played for as a fool. I've seen plenty of men who have waited and thought they were just respecting the woman's wishes when all the girl was doing was biding her time till Mr right comes along, When Mr right came along, these slow coaches were dumped like a sack of potatoes while she goes strait into a physical relationship with out the games. Don't tolerate any games, if she likes you she will respect you without the games, especially the one called hard to get, "O don't get physical I'm a lady". That one really makes me LOL.
As a man you deserve respect, respect is not just a one way street for woman, it's for both men and woman. You seem like a nice guy, don't tolerate it, because as a man you have physical needs in a relationship, so if she is demanding her needs to be fulfilled she has to also meet your needs.

[nam phyyng]

Paul, that sort of nonsense well get you "suspended" again.

[taszmaniac]

She is 19, he is 25...presumably he has more experience than her. It's possible that she was quite inexperienced with males before she met him. Give her some breathing space, if its meant to be it will be.

Respect? What about respecting her decisions. No need to give ultimatums OP, however, if you feel that the relationship is hindered and isn't likely to progress, you do have the right to walk away.