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Should I support? - Page 3
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  1. #21
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    Re: Should I support?

    Just a few more points to clarify.

    Quote Originally Posted by cysg View Post
    I won't say that this Thai girl I'm talking about is different or special or trustworthy. What I said was that it's probably worth taking the risk. If she was trustworthy, then there would be no risk, would there? In addition, I said that the sum of money is something I'm prepared to lose. If so, why would I be bitter and badmouth all Thai women?
    Ok, let's put things in proper perspectives.
    ... some outspoken Thai lady members admitted that some of their fellow female Thais "cannot be trusted", if you want to put it that way. Of course, they strongly denounced such act. But they also blamed the men who willingly allow themselves to be preyed on, choosing to ignore the red flag even when it is right on their face. Our Thai lady TCB members used to point out that the guys always insist that no, their woman is different, special and trustworthy. But that after their trust is breached, these men become extremely bitter and start to badmouth the Thai womenfolk.

    The above segment has no direct reference to you, cysg
    . In effect it only explains how the said TCB Thai lady members reacted to widespread bashing against Thai women. They were annoyed that the Thai women's reputation in general is blemished because of the wrongdoing of some of their fellow Thai women. But in some cases they also lay the blame on the men who virtually court their own misfortunes by choosing to ignore the danger signs. Then in the end these men get disillusioned and bitter. That is partly how leagues of Thai women bashers come into being.

  2. #22
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    Re: Should I support?

    Hi

    Men who can't see the danger when women are asking for money is the same mindset as a woman getting into a relationship with a toxic male thinking she can change him or he will change for her.

    I call it the puppy dog syndrome Men think they can take this poor lovely young lady who they think obviously needs help " they don't need help and they don't even speak the same language" build her up and then have a pet for life. especially older males

    women same thing They see a good looking bad boy and think I can change him into a decent boyfriend and maybe have a husband for life.

    Both cases are doomed to fail.

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  4. #23
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    Re: Should I support?

    Before I posted here, I've already heard about the things mentioned in the responses here. About how some of these women tug at men's heart, appeal to our vanity to play the hero, charm us out of our common sense, etc. I've also read of women who - after three years in a relationship - took off with their partner's money. So the warnings here are fair.

    We could be totally sceptical of such requests from any person whom we've just met for a month or so, and view them all as potential scammers. We will live a "safe" but guarded life. Or we could take a calculated risk and live a more authentic life, considering that even though no relationship is guaranteed to last forever, we still plunge ourselves into them. Whether people have known each other for a day or a lifetime, risks are involved. And each will have to choose the kind of life they want to live.

    No intended swipe at anyone; just sharing my perspective. I apologise if my comments sound condescending.

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  6. #24
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    Re: Should I support?

    All I can say is best of luck to you, cy. Thank you for sharing your story in this forum.

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  8. #25
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    Re: Should I support?

    Hi

    Cysg sounds like he is talking and thinking with his heart and soul

    While most people who get into trouble and have horror stories are thinking just with the little head between their legs.

    I wish him the best and hope all goes well.

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  10. #26
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    Re: Should I support?

    Clearly the person is not a complete friend yet, because you still have doubts. If the person was indeed a friend you would have already supported the person. I think the honest thing to do is to tell the person that you cannot think clearly about this relationship because of the income gap and the request so early. You help if you want, but clearly take back your friendship and keep it on hold until you have a stronger bond. that will avoid the opportunity for either one of you to hurt the other. It is up to her to make you comfortable after you lend the money, if you decide to. Such small level of money does not automatically make sustainable business sense - so chances it will just drain further and need more investments is high. Or you be very much part of that business yourself and then you know its been used for the said purpose, that should make you comfortable?. Just my passing thoughts.
    Never hit someone below the belt; for you are not the creator.

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  12. #27
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    Re: Should I support?

    Hi

    I think the honest thing to do is to tell the person that you cannot think clearly about this relationship because of the income gap and the request so early

    Friendships should not be based on money or income level or perceived status but on common interests and similar activities I have friends that are dirt poor and some who are filthy rich friends are friends

    but actually in life you will have few true friends you will have many acquaintances you might call friends but they come and go friends are there forever. IMO

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  14. #28
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    Re: Should I support?

    Quote Originally Posted by trangam View Post
    Clearly the person is not a complete friend yet, because you still have doubts. If the person was indeed a friend you would have already supported the person. I think the honest thing to do is to tell the person that you cannot think clearly about this relationship because of the income gap and the request so early. You help if you want, but clearly take back your friendship and keep it on hold until you have a stronger bond. that will avoid the opportunity for either one of you to hurt the other. It is up to her to make you comfortable after you lend the money, if you decide to. Such small level of money does not automatically make sustainable business sense - so chances it will just drain further and need more investments is high. Or you be very much part of that business yourself and then you know its been used for the said purpose, that should make you comfortable?. Just my passing thoughts.
    I did think about being a part of the business, like an investor, but it makes things too complicated for both parties. So I decided to just give her the money. I told her that it was a loan and she said she would pay me back the capital, which is fine by me. I said it was a loan in order to make her take the matter seriously. I know that's likely very naive. It's ok. As I said in my earlier postings, I'm prepared to take the calculated risk and lose the money.

    I told her 20,000 baht can't start a business but on the other hand, looking at the many makeshift stalls around Bangkok, perhaps it's doable. I don't know.

    I very much want this to work out good: I make a new friend, she has a shot at a sustainable means of livelihood for herself, her sister and family. She seems very close to her sister.

    Will see how it goes. She will get the transfer by this Friday.

  15. #29
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    Re: Should I support?

    Quote Originally Posted by khonrai View Post
    Friendships should not be based on money or income level or perceived status but on common interests and similar activities I have friends that are dirt poor and some who are filthy rich friends are friends

    but actually in life you will have few true friends you will have many acquaintances you might call friends but they come and go friends are there forever. IMO
    Couldn't agree more. Money cannot buy friendships or love. It was something I considered very carefully when deciding to give her the money. Would it be perceived as buying a relationship? Would that cast a shadow on the relationship? In the end, I thought the potential good that could come from her using the money wisely outweighed that risk. Furthermore, positioning the money as a loan helps.

  16. #30
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    Re: Should I support?

    Hi Khonrai, my comment is not a judgement if one should have friends of a particular income level or not. I have friends from all walks of life too and actually there much diversity within my family itself. However I thought the doubts existing were due to the fact the other person was poorer and needed money and the giver could not make out it it a genuine request or not. Of course, you can have richer friends and they can still be deceitful, greedy etc. But those issues rise in their own shades.
    Never hit someone below the belt; for you are not the creator.

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